the WORST day of my life

Hi Kel,

My thoughts are with you at this time. I hope your op went well and remember that this is the start of a new life for you.

Whether you were married 2 yrs or 23 yrs like me - you still get hurt as you can't believe the person you love would want to hurt you or threaten to kill you.

You need to focus on you!!! We tend to worry about everyone else but ourselves!! No one can tell us what we should or should not do or you need not justify to anyone what has happen or why, and most of all - DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. I wished I had left earlier but though it would just go away or I would wait until the kids where older at the time or he may change!!! I have learn this the hard way.

My ex was never supportive of me having any type of surgery to help me lose weight, but one thing I do know now is that what I went through during my marriage has only contributed to my weight gain over time.

Look after yourself and let your family look after you during this time.

Take care

Kel. I have just joined this site, and I have been reading about your troubles.

My ex left me about 10 years back for a woman way younger than me. I began to eat to hide from life. I think that you are the lucky one, to have escaped this man, while you are still young enough to find a decent human being who will love and cherish you for the wonderful person you are.

I wish my ex had left me years earlier! It isn't easy, but in time, you will get your strength about you. Losing the weight is an important first step to regaining control of YOU.

All the best in the bright path you are taking.

What totally wonderful caring people there are on this site.

All the best to you, Kel.

good luck with your surgery, hope all goes well

Hi Kel,
Sometimes we are not so much in love with the person as we are the dream of the way we want life to be with that person. We are mourning the loss of the life we hoped rather that the reality. Mate, if my best friend threatened to kill me he would so be off my Xmas card list! And yet when my ex threatened to kill myself and our little girl, as terrified as I was of him, I pined for the loss of the dream and eventually went back to him for a bit. It was then I realised that life was very bad, and was never going to get better. He was still the cheating, cruel bastard he had always been. I decided another day with him was worse than a lifetime alone and I left with a 3 year old and a 10 week old. I wasted 10 years of my life with that bastard. Then another 5 years with the AVO and family court rounds thing.
Now I have a wonderful husband that treats me like a princess, 3 beautiful children and appreciate it all every day. I don't regret the ex husband. He made me a strong woman who appreciates my family so much more than I would have without the nasty life experiences.
Best of luck with your surgery today. It is the first step into a new life and a fantastic way to prove to yourself how strong you are...because you did this with the support of people who will always love you...your parents! What wonderful people they must be to be supporting you right now.
Take care.

You wont believe me now but one day the "worst" day of your life will be the best day. Because its the day you got released from this relationship.

You will have your op, be reborn, find true love, and look back and say "now I have a REAL best friend - one that would never dream of jumping in bed with another woman, using me to get a car, threatening me with a gun".



But I do know its hard right now. Just remember you deserve better!

I'm with you D'Girlz. Kel I would say you are lucky that you have not started a family with him. If this is what he does over a car, what would he do if you decided not to give him access to a child.

You have the world at your feet, make the most of it as you don't need to be living in a relationship with a cheater, let alone someone that threatens to kill you.

It's lonely on your own, but you will find someone who truly deserves you for who you are. Obviously he did not have the same dreams for the future as you if he is fooling around with someone else.

Lucky you found out when you did. It would be devastating to find out when you got home from your op, that whilst you were in hospital doing something to make starting a family a bit easier, he was at home with her in your bed. I say he done you a favour.

So chin up Kel and I wish you all the best for your new start in life, you deserve it xo

Kel, now you can go from the worst day of your life to the best.
You deserve better. I understand your heart still longs for him, but we don't treat the people we love badly. My thoughts are with you and good luck for tomorrow.

Thanks for everything ladies. Its definatley not been easy. Cleaning the house out of his stuff and rearranging plans has been easy.. the hard part

Is when he threatened to kill me.

yeah you read it right. So here is the story

5 years ago i financed a car for him and listened to all the crap you do when your in love. babe i will get money and pay it off in a month. babe i will remake the payments... 5 years later i cant afford it and have to refinance it before it gets repossed.

So he wants the car thats financed and registered in my name. I make a list of terms and want a legal agreement and he doesnt agree to all the terms. so i tried on saturday night to talk to him because he was saying that he was going to come and take the car on tuesday. I kept saying no and he finally said if its not ready for me to take on tuesday i will put a 12 gauge through you.

So i spoke to the police bcause he is a license firarms holder. and an AVO was put into place and now i have to go to court on 9/3/11.

besides this whole crap this week has been hard. I wish i could talk to him cause he was my best friend, Ive had so much stress with organising this as i only got my cash on monday. Its just hard not to have him around. we had a great day planned for us coming to the gold coast today he was my rock and i dont know how im now going to do this without him.

I have my mum and dad here with me but its just not the same. I want to lay down tonight and go to sleep with my husband behind me telling me not to worry and that it will all be ok :(

time to go before the water works start which its been over a week since that happened :((

Tomorrow is the day for my sleeve that was done to help me loose weight so we could have babies. now time to find a new life

Hey, Kel - what a terrible thing to find. I feel really bad for you.
I hope that you have some support people around to help you get through this.
No more advice to offer than what the others have already suggested, which sounds good to me.
Oh, except that it might benefit you to go to see someone for counselling for yourself, to help you cope.
Good luck, and big squishy hugs Chris

lol it was suppose to be tell him to kiss it

* i do not condone killing ... lol

Do the sleeve for yourself and remeber you are beautiful and he is trash... no one deserves what you are going through . Kill him to kiss it

I'm so sorry that you are going through this Kel.
I had a cheating husband that I thought that I could forgive. It turned out after a seperation for 2 years and reconciliation for 1 year that I couldn't forgive him. It cost me my happiness, my marriage, most of my savings and my sanity at the time. I went back to him for the kids as well as myself, but in the end I left for those very reasons. But I came out of it stronger, knowing I held no responsibility for it and could move on guilt free. I decided I had the rest of my life to sort out the financial losses but they sorted themselves out rather quickly without him around.
I found love again, despite thinking I could never trust again. Turns out I just couldn't trust HIM again.
There are no guarentees in life sadly! Many actions are out of our control and loving others opens us up to vulnerability.
Some people are able to reconsile and build a stronger marriage. Others are not. Time will tell which one you are. You will survive this though and one day the pain will be a distant memory, whatever your decision.
Best of luck. Here's a big hug

Hi Kel,

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

You do not have to have counseling for 12months, you have to have a counseling session if the marriage has been for a period of less than 2 years. If you do not want to see a counselor you must obtain permission from the court to apply for a divorce.

You can find a bit of information at http://www.familylawcourts.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/FLC/Home/

There are also many community legal centres that do not charge for services
http://www.clcnsw.org.au/looking_legal_advice.php
they will be able to give you more information regarding separation, your assets and your debts. I suggest you ring one pretty quick as you might have to wait a bit to see someone.

Good luck

Hi Kel,

Have you thought about going to the local citizens advice bereau sometimes they have lawyers there that specialize in the specific field that you need.

As far as the debt is concerened I would think that the law would look at it that you have had two recognised marriages firstly common Law (Defacto) and Matrimonal Marriage. So I'm thinking it would consider the debt as matrimonial debt in which case it would be 50/50. It would also be wise to back this up by being able to prove that the debt although in your name he benefited from so eg reciepts etc.

It may well be worth a trip to your local courthouse to find out what the next step is and if you have to register your seperation. I would also keep a diary that documents any and all dates and information you have comunication with your husband and the out come of it.

Hope this info helps Kel

Andrea

I'd be checking with a solicitor about the debt. Not sure if you can do anything about existing debt, but perhaps you can do something about any future debt.

Keep the Centrelink thing for after you have divorced him - unless the solicitor thinks you could be charged as an accessory because you know about it - just thought of that as I typed. That could be a worry.

Bugger about the counselling - is there no other way? An anullment or something?

lol great to know.

im not a vendictive person but there is so much stuff that I know that can get him locked up.. from centrelink . He claims money his not entitled to.

We have so much debt that is in my name. Because we have been together for 6.5 years does that mean its now 50%?

We have only been married for 5 months and apparently we have to do 12 months of councilling before a divorce. The hard thing is, i still love him and I think seeing him that much for 12 months would just want to be back with him, and i feel like that now, but i cant forgive him for this

You do get over it and trust again - not all men are bastards!!!

Thanks ladies. It was so hard to go to bed last night.. thats where i found him. after my surgery im going to work my ass off and get a new bed.

i know its crazy but i miss him so so so much. the last thing i wanted was this.

Yes I did suspect something with the particular other and i said to him during the week that he has more in common with her then me, so why dont we seperate and make it nice but then this happened.

How do you get over this and ever trust again?

I am so sorry to hear this, I hope you have some support.

Zoe

hey kel

omg there is never a good time to find something like that ,but specialy at this time in your life while so close to surgery. sending huge hugs to you .

mel

OMG! Did you have any suspicions? You poor bugger :(

Kel,

That sucks (serious understatement). If you need to, postpone your sleeve, but please do it anyway for YOU . . . not for anybody else.

We'd all give you a hug if we could. . .

sending hugs n kisses your way...x

OMG are you ok? What did you do? I am so sorry that happened to you.