Obesity in our kids- do your children show signs of problems?

As a Teacher, I have seen the effects of obesity in kids. I am sorry about your experience as a child, but abuse does take many forms, not just physical.

If a kid was being starved I would say the same thing. Over stuffing a kid to the detriment of their health is tantamount to child abuse.

I am not talking about making them feel bad about their weight! I am talking about making healthy choices for them. Parents have ALL the power here!

Saying that overstuffing your kid with bad food is child abuse is a bit of a stretch, and to me trivialises actual child abuse. I don't believe it to be child abuse, as a person who was sexually abused, thankfully just the once when I was 12 at a sleep over at a friend's place.

To me, and I could be wrong, I feel it's bad parenting, pure and simple, like smoking in front of the kids inside the house, cultivating racism or xenophobia or hatred of gays, not getting the kids immunised, or letting them watch TV, play video games or use the Internet unsupervised for many hours a week. In extreme cases, all of these would be child abuse. In most cases, it's just bad parenting. A few years ago when some folks wanted to extend child abuse to not going to museums or art galleries as educational neglect. Most of Australia would be child abusers under that plan.

Is being overweight in the best interests of the child? Absolutely not. But neither is starting to cultivate body image issues into young girls' heads. I believe this is why if you go to a WW meeting, it's 30:1 female:male ratio - if there's a man in the room at all. Men are fatter than most women and need the help more, but women have been brought up to believe (wrongly) that being a size 0 is everything. There has to be a balance, and it's time to stop asking girls to diet constantly. It's not worked, it will continue to not work, and labelling people isn't helpful. Nagging hindered me for 30 years, and I am absolutely not going to nag my daughter. I'll just be a good example instead.

Kids have ample scope to use puberty and their fat stores to go up (and not out) over a period of time. Get 'em active, praise them for being active, and be active with them. And obviously, get rid of the camembert. In other words, be a good parent to your kids.

Fantastic advice, Firie. Glenmaree, perhaps you can utilise THAT stance too! After all, if a child was being physically abused we would step in. I sometimes feel that psychological abuse is over looked by people as being less harmful. Of course, this is not true.

Force feeding a kid with unhealthy food because you can't eat it yourself is a form of child abuse!

My sister does the same thing to her own 11 year old daughter. She starves herself to stay thin, and feeds Gabby with all the crap she can stuff in. Gabby is a big, overweight 11 YO who cannot run, or play, because her legs rub together and she gets painful rashes.

I have raised this issue with my sister, who was at first horrified, but then she agreed with me. Gabby is now being encouraged to eat 'healthy' food. Although a whole wheel of Camembert with a punnet of strawberries for 'afternoon tea' is still not ideal...it is a start!

It sounds as if you gave good practical advice to your SIL and that you are providing your children with opportunities to develop a good relationship with food. Good luck with your journey

Interesting, interesting topic.

I was a skinny kid up to the age of about 9 when I hit puberty early. Food was a huge comfort to me over the embarrassment of early development and I steadily gained weight and became a fat kid. My mum didn't help as she tended to put chips and mini chocolate bars in our lunch boxes. My younger brother was developmentally disabled and required a lot of mums attention and I think tha tthis was her way of trying to compensate for some of the time she couldn't afford for myself and my older brother. My Dad also being very obese was really worried about my weight gain and took me along to a weight loss support group to try and help me. I did lose weight, but at the age of 13, I had a lot of trouble getting my head around the X number of fats, X number of protein, X number of veg etc. I eventually discovered purging which I did through all of my teens and into my early 20's. I have a dysfunctional relationship with food because of all of this. Add to this the fact that my parents grew up witht he post WW@ 'ration book' mentality of not wasting food and clearing your plate, They passed this down to myself and my brothers. I feel that further added to the dysfunction.

My sons are 3 years and the youngest being 10 months. I have been concerned about passing this dysfunctional relationship with food onto them. My kids eat mostly home cooked meals with the very occaissional take away treat. We allow them (mainly at this stage Master 3) to leave whatever they do not want to eat on their plates Some days they eat more some days less, I also do not serve them more than a recommended portion. I am hoping in this way that my kids will not develop the problems with food that I had. Master 3 is a healthy weight for his age and size and Master 10 months is also a healthy weight and fits his skin. I hope I am on the right track.

My husbands niece is 9 years old and very overweight. She has been getting some bullying for it. I had a bit of a discussion with my sister in law about it. I have noticed that there are some eating habits she has (eg I feel eating a large portion of a left over Chinese takeaway for breakfast not very healthy) and many other foods she eats are high sugar/ fat snack foods as well as large portions at meal times. I chose not to point this out directly at my SIL as I did not want to start a confrontational argument. I discussed instead strategies that may help her stabilise her weight as she grows. I feel that a growing child should not be made to diet as I feel it creates the dysfunctional relationship with food I mentioned earlier in this comment and creates the vicious cycle that many of us have been on, I feel it is important for a growing child and her parents to learn about actual portions of foods that they eat and considering healthier options. Basically the main message was to help her to learn what a real portion of her favourite foods should be, and gradually extend that to experiencing healthier options while cutting down (but not cutting out) some of the foods that are less healthy. The hoped result would be to stabilise her weight while she grows into it, thereby slimming down naturally from her growth in height and other developments. I am hoping that I have not made bad advice.....

glenmaree wrote:

Yet both allow their children to eat unhealthily and my oldest grandson is on the tubby side. Discussing my rocky journey with the sleeve operation with my oldest daughter I was astounded to hear her say that she had raised the overweight issue with her son, citing both myself and her mother-in-law as examples of why he needs to exercise and eat in moderation. I don't have an issue with being used as an example but I do have an issue with parents who buy, provide, offer and feed their kids with unhealthy food choices and don't expect them to have weight issues. I am not a wowser - kids should have treats but if you are serious about providing a good example then don't buy this stuff to have at home. Leave the takeaway as a treat - offered only rarely!!! Being an overweight parental example does not always equate to overweight kids as I have discovered but being a parent who didn't provide good choices and examples has lead to kids with eating issues.

I think you need to tell your daughter EXACTLY what you have written here. She obviously has issues with food herself, and is eating vicariously through her children. This is a very REAL problem with people who want to eat, but can't, so they feed their kids all the crap THEY can't have themselves. Sort of like pushy show business mums who never got to be on the stage themselves!

What an interesting topic - I have two daughters aged 34 and 26 years who are both slim to skinny, the older because she is a gym junkie and the younger because she barely eats. As teenagers they both could have been considered to be overweight for their height and both have watched my struggle with my weight for their entire lives.

As young adults they both dropped their weight to their present size, the oldest with the encouragement of her partner and the younger without her partner's support. He is quite vocal about her thinness and despite her being compliant with most of his demands this is one area where she ignores him completely.

Yet both allow their children to eat unhealthily and my oldest grandson is on the tubby side. Discussing my rocky journey with the sleeve operation with my oldest daughter I was astounded to hear her say that she had raised the overweight issue with her son, citing both myself and her mother-in-law as examples of why he needs to exercise and eat in moderation. I don't have an issue with being used as an example but I do have an issue with parents who buy, provide, offer and feed their kids with unhealthy food choices and don't expect them to have weight issues. I am not a wowser - kids should have treats but if you are serious about providing a good example then don't buy this stuff to have at home. Leave the takeaway as a treat - offered only rarely!!! Being an overweight parental example does not always equate to overweight kids as I have discovered but being a parent who didn't provide good choices and examples has lead to kids with eating issues.

I guess my daughter has the opposite problem to the ones mentioned so far. My daughter is 12 and is being monitored as she is showing signs of Anorexia.

My fear is that my weight is effecting her choice to eat. She is 167cm tall but her weight fluctuates between 39 - 41kg. She can go all day without eating and go for a week living on rice crackers or toast. She eats very small portions compared to my boys (10 & 8 years) and constantly talks about her "fat legs" or "fat stomach". We have never allowed her to be exposed to video clips or "girlie" magazines as I believe those promote poor body image ideals.

It is very scary that she is so thin, and I can imagine that it is just as scary when you are concerned that your child is overweight.

Thanks for your input, ladies. The US has updated bmi charts within the last decade - I would never compare a 21st century Aussie kid to a seventies one from any where, or to an Indian one from any time. [Not as silly as you think!]

No...not THAT silly! I am having a go with one of those SUSHI kits first, and making a very simple recipe. Well, it looks easy!

Ooooh tell me how it goes! I was totally put off home-made sushi when my Sister-In-Law made it once and it was utterly revolting. Disgusting. I think she used the wrong rice for starters, but not sure what else she did to make it taste so bad!!

Oh Sassy, WE LOVE sushi! I have just brought a sushi roller and I can't wait to try it out! When I return from Melbourne I am going to have a go at it. Its funny, how if you introduce your kids to different tastes and food cultures, they become LESS picky as they age!

We just like eating healthy stuff, and it tastes better anyway!

My girls favourite take away treat is sushi, which has been very carefully stage managed by me! McD's and KFC we get only a couple of times a year. We make good choices, for instance while we are camping there are no cooked veges just salad, but my youngest doesn't eat much salad so I told her to compensate by eating more fresh fruit. But I think there are times (like when you're on holiday) when you can just enjoy different food and not worry about it much.

So far my oldest daughter loves her body, long may that last. She has always had a lovely tummy, (unlike my younger daughter who is straight up and down) and I love it, and she still loves it when I give it a big smooch!

I never made a big deal of my weight to my girls, never talked about being fat, never talked about going on a diet - just about "making good choices" if they asked, and when a couple of years ago my daughter curiously and innocently asked (prompted by some playground talk I suspect) "Mum do you like being fat?" I told her honestly that I would rather not be big but that I really liked myself and was happy, that I was a good, kind and helpful person, which is far more important than how someone looks. She was happy with that :-)

Just found these interesting facts at this site, which helps you calcualte the correct weight fo height of your child, and predicts what weight they will be as adults based on their weight NOW. You can download a weight/height calculation widget from this site to look at your individual child's weight and height optimum:

Here is an excerpt:

By the age of 9, an average boy would have attained 75% of his adult height.
By the age of 18, he would attain double his height at an early age.
By the age of 8, an average girl would have attained 75% of her adult height.
By the age of 18, she would attain double her height when two years old.


Read more: Calculate Height and Weight for Children http://www.medindia.net/patients/calculators/Height_Weight_ForChildren.asp#ixzz1jqz9adDu

As parents we decide what food to buy, and what our kids eat.

I have spoken to parents who say that their kids will eat nothing but spaghetti bolognaise, and I think that is fine. My kids were the same. I used to grate carrot and zucchuni into the sauce to make sure they got veggies. They never knew!

As the mother of four grown up daughters, with two pictured in my avatar, you can see that none of them have inherited my weight problem. The eldest girl (26) is a size 16, but she suffers from depression like me, and food is her crutch. She will come to a realisation in her own time and do something about it. Her boyfriend is a big boy too, and they eat out a lot, which doesn't help either!

I was very particular about what I fed my kids when they were growing up. Their lunch boxes always contained a sandwich, fresh fruit in season and ONE treat ( a fruit rollup, or a home made cup cake or a cookie) Drink was a frozen fruitbox. I rarely gave them money for the tuck shop, as I couldn't afford it!

Snacks after school were always available, something home made, (banana bread or similar) or fruit. I never had chips or soft drink in the house, and even now, my girls don't drink it, they prefer water or cordial.

My weight gain was ALL my own fault, cheese platters and champagne, and huge helpings of food piled on my plate.

My girls are all cognisant of healthy food choices, and their 'takeout' consists of a salad sandwich from the local shop!

My advice for parents struggling with fussy eaters is to not cut out treats completely, but try to make them healthy treats, or the ones that do the least damage. Add veggies in a sneaky, hidden way, making them more obvious as their taste buds improve.

I once lied to my 22yo daughter and told her she could not have coca cola because we have a genetic allergy to it, and to this day she won't drink it, even though she knows NOW I lied to her! LOL!

Parents need to be crafty to get around all the TV ads that bombard kids, especially fast food take out ones! And we need to make those food choices FOR our kids. Limiting them, but not completely obliterating them from their lives. My daughters actually work in fast food places, and never eat the stuff!

Its all about TRAINING. We have the power, not the kids!

Of all girls.

Imagine they took height measurements of 1000 girls back in 1970 or so, which is when they did the original research to determine what is normal and create a distribution (which should be a bell curve for a population).

There would be 949 of them shorter than your daughter
There would be 969 of them lighter than your daughter

But this doesn't mean she's overweight - no one would claim that a girl who is 50% percentile for both height and weight is overweight!

Your daughter is just tall for her age, which is why they MUST get around to updating the charts, as the middle of the bell curve has moved far, far to the right. The 50% percentile in 2012 is way further to the right than it was back in the 1970's. Anyone who has met the 20 somethings these days knows the average height of a guy is > 1.8 m, whereas most of my generation (Gen X) is < 1.8m.

The problem starts when the weight dramatically exceeds the height, which indicates a greater amount of fat stored, which as we know has negative health issues.

Hi PM

Yes I share your worries!

I have two daughers, an 11yo and 8yo. The younger is a bean pole and is only interested in food when she is hungry and the older is just starting puberty and is well covered around her tum but definately not fat, I think it is just the stage she is at, but worryingly she thinks about food alot and when she can eat it... all of the traits that I had. I worry about her, and part of my decision making for the sleeve was so that I could be a better example for them.

We don't have much processed food in the house, they can eat fruit freely but other things are for morning tea/lunch times etc rather than help themselves. With her being a bit older she can stay up later so we go for a walk or bike ride after dinner. To her this is a treat :-)

I didn't tell her about my sleeve apart from to say that my tummy needed to be fixed. She questioned my weight loss but has obviously noticed it and enjoys it, I will tell her all when she is a bit older and it feels like the right time. I so don't want my issues to become hers. It's so hard isn't it!

Thanks for the info :O) My own lifetime of dieting led me to believe there was no surer indicator of future weight gain than going on another diet. My final attempt at Weight Watchers only lasted a week and I put on four kilos!! There is no way I'll be putting anyone in this family on a diet - what I meant about the apples and carrots was that I'm more conscious of having fruit and raw veg snacks or something low GI for between meals. And meals are getting back to basics - grilled meat and veg most nights of the week. I think watching MasterChef contributed to my wanting to try out different cooking methods/styles like giving that sauce a nice gloss with a few bits of butter stirred in at the end [a la Gary], and convincing myself that deep frying wasn't so bad now and then, if I just had the oil at the right temperature so it doesn't soak in[!!!]. Deluded.

A qn about statistics - if my daughter is at the 95th for height and 97th for weight, does that mean she's heavier than 97% of girls who are that height? or of all girls?

Plus, I should mention, that Mackenzie loves playing Wii Fit with me, and she loves that her dad can now chase her in the park. Exercising together is awesome. Obviously this works better for a 4 year old than a teenager :)

I have also rid the house of snack foods and she eats just a bit more of the same foods than me, so realistically, I think the sleeve is bringing us closer together and helping us both become more healthy as a family. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn't been sleeved.

Shrinky - the thing about percentiles is that *someone* has to be in the bell curve, or it wouldn't be a bell curve.

Our doctor is only worried if Mackenzie's weight and height get out of sync - i.e. if she was 50th for height but 95% for weight. Instead she's hogging the 100% percentile for both for the last two years, which indicates that she will be a very tall girl when she's fully grown if she keeps this up for another two years. Is she solid, you bet, but she's not fat. She doesn't have chubby features or a pot belly like some kids who would be lower in the charts than Mackenzie. She's a giantess at her kinder.

BMI is not a good measurement system. It doesn't work for athletes, and it doesn't work for kids until they are nearly 18 years old. Obese in kids is considered > BMI 18, and yet an adult with a BMI of 18 would be told to put on weight. The research that came up with BMI only took in adults, and not children.

If you're worried, go get a fat pinch test or a water displacement test. Girls have a higher normal % of body fat (I believe 25% is considered normal). BMI is a lazy indicator, and it doesn't tell the story of modern children.

I was on my first diet at 14, and recent (as in late 2011) peer reviewed research strongly indicates dieting changes you permanently and makes you fat in the long run compared to folks who have never dieted. Just up their exercise a bit (something I wish my folks had done, instead of encouraging reading and electronics geekery), and work out how to exchange snacks for slightly healthier choices. At our respective daughter's age, they have plenty of room to grow upwards without a restrictive diet.

Hi guys,

Interesting subject:) i was not an overweight child or teenager, only when i became pregnant with my first child my weight starting to change, i ate for two etc etc, didnt excerise etc etc, it is has been over 10years since i was in a normal weight range, but generally always overweight by the doctors.

I have 4 daughters, nearly 16,14,11 and 6, with a boy of 3 this year. I have had to worry about my daughters weight for most of their lives. Eldest was a stick when she was younger but since she turned 10 she put on weight, puppy fat as they use to say, she developed early yet my 2nd daughter who was also a stick developed later, the 11 is this same as my eldest and my 6yr old is the same as my 14 year old.

I had to take the eldest daughter to the doctors because i was worried about my eating habits would rub up on her, she went from a size 10-12 to a size 16-18 in well known stores as jay jays, within 3 years, i tried to tell her she shouldnt eat this etc and was for her benefit etc, but since she has seen me struggle with my weight and me getting the sleeve she has worked out for herself what she puts into her body is her choice. I buy the food and do have takeaway but we have always limited how much etc, i guess what im trying to say is that as long as we make a healthy choice for our kids at the end of the day its their choice, and we need to give them credit when they make the right choices, cause we know all to well how we got to our weight problem, there are alot of factors not just the food choices. Happy to say my eldest has now shed over 15kgs since my sleeve in aug, going by my portion sizes and making a choice not to have junk etc and eating foods at the right times....

Children grow and develop differently even as siblings, i have 4 daughters 2 of which look like each other but have totally different shaped bodys to each other, if you are worried go to your doctor asks for blood tests to rule out a problem, but i think with good guidance and choices they will grow become healthy teenagers then adults.....good luck.....

Hi PM,

it was strange reading your post because I am in exactly the same panic about my own daughter who is turning 7 in a week. A thin little girl who munched veggies and said no when she was full is now a solid seven year old who looks for processed snacks and keeps eating because she's enjoying herself. Her appetite has grown, which isn't surprising because of how active she is, but she has developed something of a tummy and is in the 95th percentile for her weight/height/age according to the latest graphs. Technically she is obese. At seven. I am freaking out. I don't know how I let it happen. I have two younger boys who both express fears about their weight even though they are skinny, and I don't know where they have picked that up from either. Weight and size are not issues that hubby and I discuss privately let alone in front of the kids - it just doesn't come up - so I'm mystified. Yet, my daughter keeps telling me I need exercise and has no concept that she herself is overweight too. We're trying to keep it that way.

I've spent a couple nights surfing the net til three am looking for answers and am pretty confident we're taking the right approach, but it's one of those things where we'll always be wondering if we're doing it right. One thing I did find out that was interesting is that kids have a steep rise in their bmi between four and seven [adiposity rebound]. I know a little knowledge is a dangerous thing [!!] but I'm hoping this growth spurt outwards is in preparation for a growth spurt upwards! And in the meantime we are walking to school, swimming in the afternoons, playing at the park and eating lots of apples and carrots. And keeping our fingers crossed!!

All the best with your little angel and keep us informed :O)

Cheers, Shrinky.

I know what you mean PM. My oldest daughter is only 5 but I see habits forming in her already. I had my band when she was a year old, one of my biggest fears was that she would copy my habits. So having the band helped. Mine worked well for me for a year and a half and I dropped 34 kgs and I think it helped her not to snack etc as I wasn't. Then my band failed and I had my second daughter who is now 20 months and I put on my weight after she was born. I now see in my older daughter that she is picking up my bad habits that have formed again. She is a boredom eater (so am I) and we try and combat that with getting her to do something and get her mind off of food. And she does have a taste for sweet stuff, as do I. So we try and limit that. School is a big help as they are big on taking healthy lunch boxes etc so she knows what is good food and "sometimes" food. School goes a bit overboard with somethings and labels food "bad" or ytou just can't have it. I do not believe in that as I believe in moderation, so we talk more about you can eat things sometimes but not all the time.

She isn't overweight but I do worry about it. I do not want her growing up with the pain and suffering that I did because of my weight. In a sense I am soooooo lucky and thank my lucky stars at every meal that both my girls love vegies and esp my big girl would live on salad if she could...at least thats a habit of mine that she has picked up thats good. So getting mine to eat the healthy foods isn't a problem.

So I def share your worries. She isn't at a point where we have to watch her weight, its the habits we have to keep an eye on. What also worries me with girls these days is how they get body image issues at such a young age. She does dance classes and she is tall for her age and more mature built than some, so is so much bigger than all the other girls and I have heard the young girls critise themselves and do worry that she will think these things about her because she is bigger than some of them. I have an 8 year old neice that does calestentics and she has already on more than a few occassions complained that her legs are fat or she has a big tummy etc and I just hate that they hate their bodies already. Don't get me wrong its not just dance classes etc they get it from school too. But its just so sad that our society is making them like this. So we are trying to instil a good body imagine in her head as well. We are always telling our girls they are pretty, no matter the clothes or the hair and that they are always amazing, to try an combat some of that...but already at 5 its creeping in. I hate when she says "this makes me look pretty"...no you're always pretty.

I am having me sleeve for my girls as much as myself. Not only for them to see me eat more healthy etc but to be more active and have more energy to do more active stuff with them. I didn't grow up doing sport or an activity, fitness wasn't something that was incouraged (not that it was discouraged either). So I would like my girls to grow up with the understanding that you need to keep fit as well. Nothing serious, even just walking, riding their bikes, running after a ball etc...doing anything that keeps them moving...and I want to be joining in.

I tihnk that you can still try introducing some new habits and getting her moving by doing fun stuff and she is only 7 so you don't have to be mean I don't think, she has alot of time ahead so take it slow. Introduce things bit by bit one at a time and before you know it it'll become nature for her. Thats what I try and do anyway.

One other thing I did with my big girls is put away my scales. You know what its like when you r on a diet or when you are losing weight with the sleeve - or in my case my band you are weighing yourself every 5 seconds. I had a moment one day when I was in the bathroom and my older girl walked in and she was only 3 at the time and step on the scales and watched the number come up...it hit me that she does that every time she comes in my bathroom. Because I did. I realised that I was obsessed with those scales and that number and had to put them away because she was picking up that habit...at 3! I have to admit that as I have put my weight back on those scales are out again and I am on them all the time...esp on opti at the moment and even yesterday she asked me "mummy why do you get on the scales everytime you go to the toilet?" (my toilet is in my ensuite where the scales r)...so I have to try and be better with that already. i dont want those scales and that number to control her like they do me!

Remember too though that you and your family have had a hard year, so you got to allow a little slack.... and I really hope 2012 is a better year for you and hope you are doing well with your health. x

Hi guys

Just as the title says, Ive been wondering about my beautiful baby girl who is 7.

I have noticed that shes just forming habits with food that i probably did when i was her age. I am so scared for her, I dont want her to have to suffer through life as i did. She is a solid girl (like me) and I noticed she has become what appears to be overweight for her age. I could have hit this woman yesterday who looked her up and down :( It starts already.

I am trying to instill good habits of healthy foods, treats, etc. But I dont want to be a monster and deny her, and have her go the opposite way- getting too thin, or going out and eating / binging when Im not there.


I dont want to go to the GP or a dietitian. I know what I/ we need to do and we are doing it. So Im not looking for "what to do" here I guess im just looking for some support.

I have always brought her up with moderation principles, she even chose a meal of vegetables over McDonalds when she was younger. She used to be able to take or leave junk and so I thoguht we would be right for life. She is a fussy eater to a degree, but Ive noticed she will avoid the vegies, etc. She's basically starting the habits I did when I was her age I guess. We are very aware of them so working on them but i feel like such a bad mother for letting this happen to her.

So I just wanted some support and to wonder how youre kids are doing.

I am also wondering, we had such a shocking 2011 (with me getting cancer) if she's turned to food as her comfort as alot of meals were at the hospital, on the road, or when she was minded by other people.


She's a happy kid and so flexible and goes with the flow so much. She's a beautiful little girl and has such a beautiful heart. So dont get me wrong, I would love her if she was 4000kilos. Im just concerned for her health and I dont wantt her to suffer through life as an overweight personn like I did. We all know how cruel/ hard life is when your larger. Right?
Whats youre thoughts?