Did you lie to anyone about your surgery????????

First topic message reminder :

I am a widow. I have two children. I am being sleeved on the 29th June. I have told my mum about surgery and she will be looking after my children whilst I am in hospital. However, I do not feel comfortable telling my father inlaw about bariatric surgery. I speak to him daily and see him a few times a week. He is very involved in mine and my children's lives. So I am going to tell him that I am having fibroids removed. Has anyone else lied about the type of surgery they are having?

True... I am lucky that my work is a community of skinnies and my students are students - they won't ask and I won't volunteer the info. I do regret telling two workmates that I have lost 45kg, it does sound pretty obscene. I just hadn't devised a plan for how to answer that question - it was the first week back after 3 months of earthquake-induced working from home for us all so I did look pretty different.

I don't feel that way at all. Obese people can be just as much of an a-hole as skinny people. If i decide I'm not telling people at work, I can't then selectively tell the fat people for fear of being "cruel". They have access to the internet, they can find the op just like I did, I don't feel it's my responsibility to tell every obese person I see who asks about my weight loss.

Hi all, I totally agree.

You can't lie to another obese person. It would be cruel and just add to their lack of self esteem. They would feel like a failure yet agan. If we told them that it was just diet and exercise.

Like gottahyme, I would definately tell another obese person. They are struggling with the all to familar problem that we all completely understand and have been through.

Notproud i will be telling people i've lost a bit over 15kg even if I lose 50kg.

Paity10, No parent wants their child to be obese. I guess it's hard for parents because there is nothing they can really do. They tend to use their voice to express their concern. Which always seems to backfire on them when discussing such a sensitive subject that they cannot really fix no matter how much they want to.\

Yeah same - although I have lied to work/my students/acquaintances and I have generally avoided telling people, if another overweight person asked me I would be honest as I know how it feels to despair over losing it and I would hate to be inadvertantly cruel!

I lied to my classes, the kids I teach. They all knew I was in hospital for surgery, but to stop any questions,(and they DO have questions!) I just said, 'plumbing problems'.The kids have noticed I have lost a LOT of weight, and most of them just say, 'Wow, Miss, you look great!'

Some of my colleagues know,and that is OK. They are generally very supportive,because I have changed so much! I smile all the time, now!

I don't have a problem telling people with a weight problem what I have had done,as I feel it is cruel to tell another obese person that I lost 24KG with diet and exercise! That would be mean, and would make someone feel bad about themselves, and that is not in my nature.

But skinny people, I say,'diet and exercise' and my conscience is clear.

Yep Emily when people ask how much I have lost I just say "just over 30kgs" they dont know its actually 20kgs over 30kgs LOL

I did the route of telling askers that I ate a special diet (true) and now focus on high protein foods (also true.) I decided way early that I did not want to explain the whole background to anyone. DH and son know and that is it.

Zoe

I have been a big girl my whole. My parents used to always say to me, do something about your weight, you'll never get a boyfriend, you'll be single all of your life... I always thought that were being really nasty to me, but i knew they were only wanting me to be healthy!!!!! It wasn't until I met my fiance, had my 2 children, it was finally my turn to 'LISTEN' to what my parents use to say and I did... Best thing I could have done.

I never thought my family would be this supportive of me, but looking back, i guess they just wanted me to be around when i had a family.. And they were right!!!!!! I just can't wait to see them (at the end of this month, for my 2nd daughters christening), then they will definitely see the change in me!!!!!

That's great news. Were you expecting them to be that supportive? They sound really proud of you.

Yes, i cam through with the truth yesterday!!!! If i didn't tell them, they would only ask questions and I hate lying. The reason why i didn't tell them in the first place was because I wanted to do the 'wow' factor with them but i had to come clean in the end.. My parents are very proud of me for doing something about my weight. My dad is buying me a treadmill and my mum is buying me a bike and my sister is buying me a new warddrobe!!!!

So Paity, do they now know that you have had wls?

Yes I have lied... i've told my family that i'm having a hernia operation although that all came out yesterday after my 2 and half year old told my mum and dad that i was is hospital having my belly removed!!!!

only from the perspective that if it is unsuccessful or there are any complications with surgery then people are sure to react smugly. I have told EVERYONE! I guess it is because I feel that I am not embarrassed to be undergoing the surgery and that if I can educate people on alternative options and the plight of the obese then that is a good thing. When they have replied with "Have you tried exercise and diet?" I cannot help but laugh. When they tell me it is "very drastic" etc, I tell them that if they have ever been obese then I am happy to have the conversation and they should keep in mind that if there was a procedure for drug or alcohol addiction available then most addicts would seriously consider it. I can understand that many would be at the end of their tether and vulnerable though and not prepared to even go there. I have approached my plight with humour and positivity but like you Rizzo, it still hasn't hit me that I m doing it. I am getting sleeved on the 29th too!!! What a coincidence.

Thanks girls!

Have decided I will just stick to the truth and leave out the controversial stuff. It is nobody's business and why should they be told. I am just bit paranoid and nervous I guess.

I'm sure my weight gain has caused a few comments as will the weightloss. I am living this life for me no one else.

Thank-you for all your comments.

Yes, if anyone keeps asking how much weight I've lost, I get short and say "a lot" and leave it there. It's just so rude!! Maybe I should say "when's your period due? oh sorry... I thought we were onto the personal questions part of the conversation..."

PS: It is ALWAYS women that ask me this stuff - I work closely every day with 4 guys, and they have not said a word apart from telling me I look good.

I only told my family and a select few.

I have never lied, just ommitted so information...LOL!!

Surgery, I had a hernia repair done before I was sleeved, just didn't tell most people about part 2 of the surgery.

Dieting, well I am using portion control, eat small regular meals/snacks 6 times each day and high protein diet and exercise.

How am I keeping it off, using the same as above!

Hi Ladies,

Interesting thread. I haven't told many either, and those that ask just get told that I only try to eat high protien and never over eat. In my view this is no lie I've only just omitted the surgery part. I can live with that. It really is a personal preference to tell or not to tell. My experience has been I had a friend or I thought I did at the begining of this journey who fortunatley I didn't tell only just told her I was on a diet. Well so glad I did she turned out to be one supa dupa nasty piece of work. This was a woman I had known for over 10 yrs. I'm glad that my gut instinct was not to say a word to her.....

Have a great day

Andrea

Thanks Emily and notproud.

It makes me feel alot better not being completely honest about the wls. It seems that alot of people who have the sleeve feel the same away eg honesty is not the best policy.

I dread being asked "how much weight have you lost and how did you do it"? I am already worrying if people will be sus and I am yet to lose a kg.

A couple of years ago I lost 25kg and I told my brother in law. He looked at me as if that's just obscene. I knew a girl who lost a lot of weight and everytime I asked her how much weight she had lost she would tell me 10kg. She looked like she had lost 30kg. I did not question her. I tended to reason to myself why she looked like she had lost 30kg, but according to her only 10kg. It was confusing because I wanted to believe she was telling the truth but my eyes saw different.

However, I agree with you Emily, I am not going to tell people exactly how much I have lost because I feel I will be judged for even being that big in the first place.

Same, notproud. Even now, I hate it when people ask how much weight I have lost - feel like they'll think "boy, you were REALLY FAT" if I say I have lost nearly 50kg. I am ashamed I let myself get so out of control. I guess I was also nervous the sleeve wouldn't "work" and I'd get "I told you so's" - so I only told immediate family, and 2 best friends. I told another couple of friends later. There's one other close friend I would totally tell now (I am sure she already thinks I did have WLS) but it's kind of too late now that I haven't told her already! Honestly though, I don't think it's anyone's business so I just say "gee, that's a personal question!" and give them a disapproving look if they ask how I lost weight or how much I lost.

yep to everyone!!!

My husband, mum, dad and sister know thats it!!

I guess at the start I was ashamed and if I drew attention to my weight maybe people would notice just how fat I was. I kid you not thats what I used to think. LOL

Now dont care but its too late so would never come clean!!!

Thanks Isis. That is the exact reason I have not told anyone. I cannot be bothered wasting my energy explaining myself, or educating people about the operation. I figure it's my body, my life my decision. I think people would gossip.

I have two sister's in law that had breast enhancement surgery. They are both skinny bitches. I don't have a lack of breast, infact, I have an ample bussom. I figure if they are able to enhance themselves with breast enlargement than why should I not take steps to correct a situation I was born with that would not only enhance my appeal but more importantly my health and life span.

I did not judge them for having surgery for something that I did not need. I have always been happy that I had an ample bussom just as they have always been happy not having a weight problem.

Btw, I ended up telling father in law that I was having op for plumbing reasons. He did not ask one more question. PHEW!

Yup, I told all my family and about 8 close friends, but everyone else thinks I had gall stones taken out. I couldn't deal with the judgement (open or behind the back bitching) that I know would happen. It would just be a topic of juicy gossip and I would rather not deal with that. I couldn't tell anyone at work either, for much the same reason. I personally don't have a lot of faith in the human race to be kind and mature, especially people my age and younger.

Several of my friends I told disapprove of my surgery, but I felt I needed to tell them so they knew what was happening as I shrunk - I just smiled and said I understand that they might not feel the same about it as I do but that I wanted them to know, so we need not talk about it again.

Hi Rizzo,
I am so sorry for your loss, but I applaud you for wanting to change your life. The support on this site is amazing.
I only told my hubby, mum and sister, now I tell anyone who asks!!! LOL.

Hi Rizzo
You have your op this month too. Normally i do not worry about operations but this one has produced so many negative thoughts that I cannot wait until it is over, Good luck with your op on the 29th

Wow Goldie oldie! You only have five days until surgery. Please keep us updated on how you do after the op.

I totally understand not wanting to tell anyone due to failure. Imagine telling people about the sleeve and hearing their views and judgements and the sleeve not working and having them tell you " I told you so". I couldn't stand that.

I have only told my mum. Who is surprisingly supportive. eg looking after my kids whilst I am in hospital. She is not questioning me about the surgery and has accepted my decision.

I am not telling anyone except my husband. I have gone on many diets for the last forty years and lost weight but have always put it all back on plus"GST"
I am fearful of failing again so am saying nothing. My surgery is next Thursday 9th June and this op is going to be my secret "How, Why, When" until I reach my goal weight and maintain it for 2 years.