My Hell

First topic message reminder :

Lets start with I am Alana and in July I was the most positive person I knew. Sure I had moments, but overall I was grateful, positive and thankful. I have 3 small children Logan 6, Ava 5, Jaykob 3 and a delightful husband. After a long deliberation on lapband v sleeve, my husband and I chose for me to get the sleeve. We accessed money from super to pay for it and the day the $$$$$$$ turned up was one of the most exciting because it meant it was really happening.



1st August drove an hour to where I would be operated on, and began my ''adventure'', op went well, 3 days in hospital went well all went according to plan and was perfect, no pain just like you all said! Couldnt believe my luck!! My friend came to pick me up to drive me home and holy crappers, worst trip ever, I was in pain like you wouldnt believe! I blamed the horrible road with all its bumps for my pain and when i got home I crawled up my stairs and into bed where I laid until my husband came home to give me some panadol.



That night I was brushing my teeth and had the worst pain, it was worse than labour, my husband rushed in and carried me to bed where I asked him to call an ambulance. The ambulance took me to my local hospital where I gave all the discharge info and surgeon details etc. he gave me a shot of morphine did a little ultrasounds and said ''your right, just big gas build up, need to walk and pass wind and of course youre in pain, you just had surgery'' once the morphine had calmed me down he said I could leave.

I spent the next 2 days like a cripple in bed, trying to up my fluids thinking that may be part of my problem, I just felt so horrible. On the 3rd day I was home and struggling I asked for help on this site and everyone pretty much said ''have you spoken to the surgeon?'' so at about 5pm when I had had enough, I got my husband to call my surgeon... needless to say he was cranky that my local hospital hadnt called him the night I got taken in by the ambulance, he asked me to go to the hospital get morphine and then continue driving to see him.



We got to the local hospital which was where they had to resussitate me. Blood pressure of 50/0, no pulse, cold etc. not pretty.. I was completely septic, organs shutting down... turns out I had a leak.



The flying Doctors flew me to my surgeon where I was operated on STAT.

I was then a member of the ICU ward for a week, pretty intense waking up with stuff coming out of you from everywhere. I was then sent down to surgical ward which is where I was for nearly 3 weeks, sharing a room with 3 others, some snorers, some talkers in sleep.. I watched 11 people come and go from those beds while I still sat there doing nothing.



I had a procedure where they put botox in the bottom of my tummy to relax it so they could put a feeding tube to bypass the leaking tummy. I have had countless CT Scans, 73 Hepron injections (i HATE those injections).



Dont get me wrong, I am grateful to be alive, I never knew how close to death I was, it sure didnt feel like what I thought it would. I am just having a hell of a time.



Currently I am on a 2 week hiatus, they let me come home with my nasal gastric tube and feeds, and the drainage bag from my tummy, and then back to hospital for cameras and more scans etc. I didnt see my children for a whole 2 weeks, it was awful, the kids are still a bit funny with me. My husband was travelling to me every day, my mother who lives 2 hours away just dropped everything and came to look after the kids, which was terrific, but causes guilt because I know she needs to work, my husband hasnt worked at all since it all happened, and I am thankful he works for a massive company and they have allowed him to.



I regret this decision. One day I may not, but right now as I am sitting in my bed barely able to move from the pain, and when I do move I will probably vomit (not sure how i vomit when all I have eaten since the 7th of August is Ice) constantly in tears, I just wish I loved myself the way I was, because what I am feeling now, and what I have been through for the whole month of August it is not worth it at all. I want a time machine to take me away from this hell, the sad part is its still a long way from being over.. Im starting to wonder if I will still be eating ice in October :(

Glad you came back for an update Alana.

Im glad you are handling it a bit better, and just think, in a month, you will be moving on with your life and the drain and feeding tube will be a distant memory.

Wishing you all the best. xo

Thank you everyone for your support.

I am in a much better frame of mind now, I am still hooked up to nasal feeds and a drainage bag from my stomach, but the pain has subsided and the nausea.. thankfully!

I was going through a very rough time handling it all, and getting my mind to stop thinking of myself as a victim and a ''why me'' person. Dont get me wrong the drain is annoying me to no end and the 20 hours hooked up to the feed, while my mother in law cooks a delicious roast pork, or my husband buys fish and chips etc. is really annoying and makes my belly grumble, but I am definately handling everything alot better.



I had my nasal tube replaced on Friday, as i broke the end off my tube due to trying to force a flush through the tube (which was blocked) so doctor did a camera look around and said theres still a leak, but its no longer a ''hole'' so fingers crossed it spontaneously closes over the next 10ish days. Its my birthday tomorrow.. would be nice to celebrate 28 years with more than a bit of ice, so i might spike it with a bit of cordial!! ;)



Thanks for being wonderful.



<3 Alana

Channamasala wrote:

Larns5 wrote:

I regret this decision. One day I may not...

Hi Alana, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you've been going through hell. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We're all thinking of you.

Also, although you might regret this decision at the moment, you will come to terms with your sleeve. You might have seen some of my posts around the forum so, to cut a long story short, I too had a leak and incredible amounts of pain. I ended up spending two months in hospital of which 6 weeks were in intensive care. Like you, I have three children (the youngest was only 5 at the time) and it was just horrible not being able to be with my family. However, now I have no regrets whatsoever and am enjoying my life so much more than before. You WILL eventually feel the same.

Good luck with the next few weeks. It's hell at the moment, but one day all this will be a very distant memory. Very soon, you'll be able to run in the garden with your kids, no longer worry that they're embarassed by their fat mum picking them up from school, go into a shop and choose what you WANT to wear, not just what FITS... : at that moment, you'll realise the sleeve was the right decision for you.

Big hugs!

Listen to Channamasala. She is a hero.

The amount of pain, and heartache she has been through needs to be read to be believed. If you want inspiration, read her diary. You are alive, and eventually you WILL get better. It may take a little longer, and it may not be text book, but eventually you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

*hugs* and healing prayers sent your way.

Dear Alana

Just read you story - and am truly sorry to hear of your painful experience.

Very glad you are still here to tell others, and thanks for doing that.



I will keep you in mind - hoping things are improving for you and your dear family.

Hugs

Ozzieloz

Hear hear!

I am so sorry this happened to you Alana, it must be so hard for you right now. It's perfectly understandable that you'd have remorse now that you know the outcome. But I have to disagree with something you said: I think you DID love yourself, which is why you decided that you deserved a better, more healthy life for you and your family. If you didn't love yourself, you would not have taken the risk. We all took the risk, and read the forms listing the complications, and decided it was worth it to us. I truly believe it will be worth it to you too, but you have to hang on and get through this part.

Thank god you called your surgeon when you did. I was thinking when reading that he told you to get morphine and then drive in "No, don't drive, get an ambulance!" and then saw you needed resuscitation so I hope people get that message too - if you feel you need the hospital, get an ambulance! Make sure you have ambulance coverage before you get a big operation too.

Thank you for sharing your story, it is so valuable to hear the good and the bad. Again, I'm so sorry you were one of the unlucky ones, and I pray that you turn the corner soon and feel better.

Larns5 wrote:

I regret this decision. One day I may not...

Hi Alana, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you've been going through hell. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We're all thinking of you.

Also, although you might regret this decision at the moment, you will come to terms with your sleeve. You might have seen some of my posts around the forum so, to cut a long story short, I too had a leak and incredible amounts of pain. I ended up spending two months in hospital of which 6 weeks were in intensive care. Like you, I have three children (the youngest was only 5 at the time) and it was just horrible not being able to be with my family. However, now I have no regrets whatsoever and am enjoying my life so much more than before. You WILL eventually feel the same.

Good luck with the next few weeks. It's hell at the moment, but one day all this will be a very distant memory. Very soon, you'll be able to run in the garden with your kids, no longer worry that they're embarassed by their fat mum picking them up from school, go into a shop and choose what you WANT to wear, not just what FITS... : at that moment, you'll realise the sleeve was the right decision for you.

Big hugs!

Hi Alana,

I really hope you are improving now - what an awful thing to go through. Thinking of you xx

Hi Alana,
Have been waiting to hear from you. Hope you are on the up and mend. We are all thinking of you. Take it easy.

Hi Alana,

I hope day by day you're feeling better and your health is improving! I have been thinking of you and your family.

I also hope that you realise after all your set-backs that you're still the same person as before and it's your nature and strength that has/will get you through your ordeal. I suppose easy for me to say as I'm not in your shoes at the moment. I have read quite a few complication stories and it seems that initially people who have had leaks, complications etc. have sounded very regretful for their choice in the sleeve, then their attitude changes once they are recovering properly and feel half human again. So I really hope this happens for you and you don't feel so down on yourself!

Take care

Hi Alana, I have been thinking about you and checking to see if you'd posted anything - had a feeling things weren't great for you. Your story really resonates with me as I have three littlies the same age, with an 'Ada' instead of 'Ava'... I have also had that thought that I should just love myself the way I am. I don't know how to reconcile that with the decision to take the very real risk of having the same experience you've had. I had thought it through but now I feel even more like I am gambling with the well-being of my family. But, I bet that you made the decision to have the surgery out of love for your family, not out of any vain wish to simply look a million dollars. As mums, we want a full life with our children, actively engaging in their play instead of just cheering from the sidelines. You wanted your best for your family, and you took a positive step to get there. Don't be hard on yourself for wanting that. I know you're in a very difficult and painful place now, but that won't change who you are - a very positive and thankful person. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your recovery.

Shrinky Dink.

What a terrible ride. Thank goodness you did the smart thing and called your surgeon when you did. It is no wonder you are regretting it all right now - any one of us would feel the same, no doubt.

So glad you are on the road to recovery. The kids will soon forget all the fuss, but it must have been awful to have not seen them for so long :-(

Wishing you a straightforward recovery from here on, and hoping you can ditch those darned ice cubes soon.

Your husband and Mum sound like champs, too.

Thanks for telling your story.

MiddleWoman

Absolutely hell!!

really feel for you Alana. Hoping you're feeling better and stop scaring the crap out of you husband soon ... (she says with love and a warm smile).

Here's to a speedy recovery and no more unexpected hiccups. I really hope you will be enjoying your decision soon.

Love n hugs

Alana,

I am so sorry you have been through such hell. What you just described, to me truly is hell. I wish you all the best in your recovery, and hope that one day you will not regret having it done.

Thinking of you,

Hi Alana,



i'm so sorry to hear about the complications you have had so far with you surgery but I personally would like to thank you for posting about it.



Im yet to get my date for surgery and find it helpful to read the "bad" stories. I don't want to know just the statistics of things going wrong, I want to know what that is, what its like etc.... Having said that I haven't read a story yet which makes me think "nope, not doing it now".



Wishing you the best for your recovery and hope your children are ok as i'm sure it's been hard for them to understand whats going on :) Break things down to days or hours if it's too hard to think long term at the moment. Just get through "this" moment. Good Luck!!

I agree, you've been through bloody hell, Larns!

When you do something, you do it well, don't you?

Bah humbug to the hospital, who should have called the surgeon when you were there...

So glad that you him when you did, though.

Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel a lot better very soon.

Hi Alana,

I am so so sorry that you have been through such hell. I will be praying for you to feel much better really soon. Please know everyone on the forum has been thinking of you and wishes you a speedy recovery. Take care hun,

Love Cath x

Lets start with I am Alana and in July I was the most positive person I knew. Sure I had moments, but overall I was grateful, positive and thankful. I have 3 small children Logan 6, Ava 5, Jaykob 3 and a delightful husband. After a long deliberation on lapband v sleeve, my husband and I chose for me to get the sleeve. We accessed money from super to pay for it and the day the $$$$$$$ turned up was one of the most exciting because it meant it was really happening.



1st August drove an hour to where I would be operated on, and began my ''adventure'', op went well, 3 days in hospital went well all went according to plan and was perfect, no pain just like you all said! Couldnt believe my luck!! My friend came to pick me up to drive me home and holy crappers, worst trip ever, I was in pain like you wouldnt believe! I blamed the horrible road with all its bumps for my pain and when i got home I crawled up my stairs and into bed where I laid until my husband came home to give me some panadol.



That night I was brushing my teeth and had the worst pain, it was worse than labour, my husband rushed in and carried me to bed where I asked him to call an ambulance. The ambulance took me to my local hospital where I gave all the discharge info and surgeon details etc. he gave me a shot of morphine did a little ultrasounds and said ''your right, just big gas build up, need to walk and pass wind and of course youre in pain, you just had surgery'' once the morphine had calmed me down he said I could leave.

I spent the next 2 days like a cripple in bed, trying to up my fluids thinking that may be part of my problem, I just felt so horrible. On the 3rd day I was home and struggling I asked for help on this site and everyone pretty much said ''have you spoken to the surgeon?'' so at about 5pm when I had had enough, I got my husband to call my surgeon... needless to say he was cranky that my local hospital hadnt called him the night I got taken in by the ambulance, he asked me to go to the hospital get morphine and then continue driving to see him.



We got to the local hospital which was where they had to resussitate me. Blood pressure of 50/0, no pulse, cold etc. not pretty.. I was completely septic, organs shutting down... turns out I had a leak.



The flying Doctors flew me to my surgeon where I was operated on STAT.

I was then a member of the ICU ward for a week, pretty intense waking up with stuff coming out of you from everywhere. I was then sent down to surgical ward which is where I was for nearly 3 weeks, sharing a room with 3 others, some snorers, some talkers in sleep.. I watched 11 people come and go from those beds while I still sat there doing nothing.



I had a procedure where they put botox in the bottom of my tummy to relax it so they could put a feeding tube to bypass the leaking tummy. I have had countless CT Scans, 73 Hepron injections (i HATE those injections).



Dont get me wrong, I am grateful to be alive, I never knew how close to death I was, it sure didnt feel like what I thought it would. I am just having a hell of a time.



Currently I am on a 2 week hiatus, they let me come home with my nasal gastric tube and feeds, and the drainage bag from my tummy, and then back to hospital for cameras and more scans etc. I didnt see my children for a whole 2 weeks, it was awful, the kids are still a bit funny with me. My husband was travelling to me every day, my mother who lives 2 hours away just dropped everything and came to look after the kids, which was terrific, but causes guilt because I know she needs to work, my husband hasnt worked at all since it all happened, and I am thankful he works for a massive company and they have allowed him to.



I regret this decision. One day I may not, but right now as I am sitting in my bed barely able to move from the pain, and when I do move I will probably vomit (not sure how i vomit when all I have eaten since the 7th of August is Ice) constantly in tears, I just wish I loved myself the way I was, because what I am feeling now, and what I have been through for the whole month of August it is not worth it at all. I want a time machine to take me away from this hell, the sad part is its still a long way from being over.. Im starting to wonder if I will still be eating ice in October :(