Family not supportive of WLS

Well said everybody - and best wishes to those considering their options.
It's my day on Monday - have only told my husband and adult daughters, and two friends - and my gp who has no idea about the actual surgery, but knows my surgeon and myhistory - and my gp congratulated me on taking such a proactive step towards my own better health. So bugger the doubts and fears, mine or anybody else's - I'm striding towards a new way of living - and a new life!
Best wishes again
Ozzieloz

Well said Butterfly Girl..a very inspiring and effective piece..congrats on the feeling better already and keep up the good support...
Nerida
Msc83 and smurfy you go girls....

Butterfly girl; you have made the final impact that I will finanize my sleeve surgery; much the same as you, though not as bad; been more afraid I think of karking it on the table. Well said. thank you.



Mrs Sea



I love this site.

I love Gorgeous Jon too much ti inflict my Mum on him! lol.

He's delicious Julia, I can't wait to have him inside me again!

Thank you again for all the feedback!

Well I decided to make my initial appt with the surgeon. I want my Mum to come along so that she can ask all her questions and hopefully alleviate her fears. So the earliest appt I could make on a day/time that would suit her, is 3rd November. 3 weeks and I will see the surgeon ... feeling very nervous all of a sudden!

Hi Julia,

The most surprising thing missing from every one's answers to you is.....

we all can lose weight, have done this really really well. infact think we are a bunch f champion dieters here.
not really an issue for most of us...

problem is we find it again...
and again
and again
and again....


and when we do, every kilo seems to bring a friend with it... or 20......
so we end up bigger than when we started..

ultimatly the choice is only yours.
You are the one who has to live with it.
You are the one who has to have or not have the surgery.

I am a little biased.
I went in with a goal of not putting on another kilo, not expecting to lose weight (have multiple health issues.... all life threatening and none caused by the weight....)
and have lost a lot.
and love my new body already even though i am only 23 days post op.

GP has total weight lose for this year recorded as over 40kg.....
and i will never find any of them again.

that is the best bit of the whole thing.
it is gone.

take mum to the supermarket with 3 large empty back packs.
put 10kg of potatoes in each.
put in another 5 kg of onions in each.
1 on her back, one on the front and another that she has t just carry.
now get her to chase your children around the super market.... or pretend to vaccuum....
or pick up baby and carry baby for half an hour.
or just walk laps of the supermarket.... 10 laps up and down each issle.
then ask her if she really wants you to cntinue doing this.....
and ask her if she thinks doing this is not more of a strain on your body than 2 hurs of surgery...

and i lived through it....
any one can.
I have heart issues,
Lung failure,
blood clots even before we started surgery
type 1 diabetes
adheasions in my belly that took an extra 3 hours to clear before he could start on the sleeve...
liver issues
and more
and i lived......
you will too!!!!!!!

and you will love the changes in your life.
i'm not at all biased.... lol just love the freedom of being able to move better already.

Hi Julia,

We actually know each other ;) Excuse no first names from me though!

Gorgeous Jon is the best! I love him.

I had issues with my band, I wish I'd gone straight for the sleeve but alas... what's done is done.

We'll see you back here in 6 months. :P

(Did you know that only around 3 - 5% of people who are overweight successfully lose the weight and keep it off? Interesting isn't it? We don't get obese if dieting was the way to avoid it)

My mum was against it too.... But I'm 36, I make my own decisions, for myself and my children. Good Luck!

Jon is the best!!!
But I'm a little bit biased ;)

Countrygirl wrote:

Who is your surgeon btw?

I have just spoken with Penny at Dr Jon Armstrong's rooms and she is sending me out some information in the mail. But I asked a few general questions and got the following responses:
1) I could get an appointment as early as next Wednesday!!
2) I could have the surgery performed before Christmas if I am seen to shortly
3) With a BMI of 37, she thinks it would be unlikely I would need to follow a low calorie diet prior to surgery, however I may do so anyway.

I'm so excited, but haven't even booked the appointment yet

I would say with a supportive husband you are 100% there. He and your children are your immediate family now and altho you value your parents input you are a grown woman.

I would suggest you choose your surgeon wisely and go into it all with eyes wide open. I was scared but now 12 months on it has been the best thing I ever did for myself. My family were overly happy with my decision but I was determined that it was my body and my life so I was doing it with or without their help. Now they know it was the best thing.

Who is your surgeon btw?

Good luck.

MrsC.......
My heart goes out to you. As a nurse you rang bells in my brain when you said a woman in her 70's died of complications of gastric surgery...... I would surely doubt any doctors/surgeons would be offerring this surgery to someone in their 70's and my guess would be the lady had a cancer or some malignancy already. It is only a guess though everyone so don't jump on me plzzzz.
I wish with all my heart that my daughter would come to me and say she wanted to have this surgery as I know the path that is her destiny without it!! Genes are a terrible thing and being tall and carrying the weight evenly is no help either, tall fat people are just as miserable and plagued with health problems as short fat people!!
Good luck with your decision :)
Linda

I have a agree, lots of horror stories about the band.

Really if you look at the sleeve, once you have healed there's nothing that can go wrong, you just have a smaller stomach and its controlling how much food we can eat.

Good luck with your decision and journey.

I was careful who I told and very few people know I have been sleeved.

"It doesn't help that she spoke with a friend who is a medical Professor and he agreed with her and said there are so many horror stories that you don't hear about "

Perhaps they were confused with banding rather than the sleeve...i have had a specialist and dr confuse the 2 or assume ......
Nerida

Oh Julia, I do wish you all the best in making your decision. I really think that this is the best ever surgery, but you need to make that choice for yourself and taking all your own circumstances in to consideration.

For myself, I believe the huge risks I was facing if I didn't have the surgery were much scarier than than the small risks associated with surgery. I resented every day I had to wait for my op, and am so thankful I had it done.

I think that Ants suggestion is great, go along to some of the Perth get togethers and ask your Mother to come along too. It is fantastic to meet and talk to others who have actually done this and I am sure it would allay many of her fears.

Good luck - Carrie :-)

It all sounds very sensible Julia - I mean - who isn't afraid of death??

But I would suggest that you do some soul searching and more research, and then decide for yourself.
I know how hard the journey is - we all do, because we are here now - if you are anything like me - its not the LOSING of the weight that is the problem - I've proven that time and time again - its the KEEPING the weight off.... that is the issue...

6 months isn't that long in the scheme of things - you can still be arranging other things - like PHI if you haven't already, as well as attending seminars and sleevers get-togethers!!! (there are a lot with the Perth crew) - maybe even bring your mum along to see who we are and talk surgeons and stories...!

I wish you all the best for your decision.... even if it may be delayed for 6 months!

Thank you for your responses and support

I talked with my Mum more on Sunday night and then sent her a link to this forum. Turns out she had already been doing her own investigations since our first discussion regarding the WLS. I asked what her biggest fear about the operation is and she bluntly said "death".
She is extremely supportive of helping me to lose weight and maintain the weight loss, but feels this surgery is too drastic and similar in risks to heart surgery. It doesn't help that she spoke with a friend who is a medical Professor and he agreed with her and said there are so many horror stories that you don't hear about
Mum has requested that I please allow another 6 months before making a final decision. She would like me to see a doctor she knows of who has had some great success with obesity by treating patients with herbal supplements (perhaps he is a doctor as well as a naturopath?) and to start walking every day. She is happy to weigh me once a week and take measurements etc If by the end of the 6 months we haven't seen a sufficient change, she and Dad will support me with the operation.

I know that she only wants the best for me (and my young family), but like you all will know - it's not the weight loss I'm worried about ... it's the returning of old habits and not only regaining the weight, but adding even more kgs to the scale


Will continue to follow this forum and will see what the coming weeks bring!

Welcome Julia!
Great to have another Perthie on board :)

I am (almost) 27, and 2 months out of surgery - my weight has been a life long battle - but without going into it too much, I actuallly involved my mum into the research - which made her part of the process.
I took my OH and mum to 2 seminars held by surgeons in Perth - that way, my mum was able to receive the same information first hand, which helped me to discuss things and also, be informed!!!
(btw, neither of my parents have a weight problem either!!!)
Do you think this would help your parents?

Of course they were worried, and my dad was concerned enough to say that he thought I didn't need it - but all in all, it was my decision.
I've just come from their place now, and to say that they are stoked with my progress is an understatement!!! They are very proud of me for making this decision to get healthy and live a long life... it has certainly made the journey easier having their support.

But at the end of the day - you need to do what you need to do.
A lot of the time the negativity comes from a good place - that they are worried, concerned for you - which yes, is IS major surgery, there is reason to be like that... But hopefully they can see the benefits outweigh the risks.

Good luck with your decision and journey :)

It's hard when people aren't supportive. Trust in yourself - you know what's best for you. At least hubby is supportive, and I'm guessing he's the one you spend most of your time with. Let the others' negativity go over your head. I betcha they change their mind in 6 months time!
Big hugs
Chris

Hi Julia

First of all let me congratulate you for starting to think about doing something for yourself and your loving family for a better future. My love and prayers for your little boys.

You are lucky to have your husband's support and if i were you i would not let my parents decide my future because some old lady who probably had bowel surgery (not weight loss surgery) had died of complcations. I am pretty sure no one would deicde to perform WLS on a frail 70 y/o lady unless she does'nt fit in her doorway to go to hospital. (FYI i am a theatre nurse and have done number of sleeves/bands with a famous sydney surgeon).

Have'nt we all heard about eat less and move more? oh yes we have, although iam going to have my op in about a bit more than 2 weeks time, my husband still tells me to do some exrecise and not to snack on ice creams/cocolates!! Haha and then he remembers that i won't be able to do so very soon! I am addicted to food, and even if i am not hungry i eat it and i totally understand what you are feeling about your parent's suggestions.

Most people on this forum might think that for my weight i should'nt be having the sleeve. But due to my racial background even a BMI of 30-32 is enough to start killing my heart. That is the first thing my GP and my surgeon both said to me. And yes i have really bad back and recently had falls and torn meniscus in both knees!! The list goes on LOL!

I have'nt told anyone (not even my parents) except my husband about the op and he initially resisted a lot but now understands what it really means for the family to have about 40 kgs less to carry around! He only got convinced after looking at my Orthopedic surgeon's report on my knees and ofcourse the blood tests showing high cholesterol and combined anemia.

Obesity is not a habit, its a disease and i had to explain this to my husband very carefully and it was worth explaining to him. If you decide to get your parents support or if you have to get their support then it is worth your while to take them to an info session with you. Or there are some online seminars/presentations. I am just posting this link for you to show your parents or for yourself, it belongs to a wonderful person on this forum who have wiped out my fears, i keep watching this video at least once in every two days to keep my motivation in my heart and to fight my fears about surgery. Paste this link in the browser.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6FbR1Z5f_o


Let us know how you go with your decision and i wish you all the best.

Hugs

Sonia

Congratulations on starting your journey.

I presented my surgery as a definite. I think after being more than a month out, my family thinks its a good idea. I battled with diets for 16 years and have had depression for a good part of this time. I still need to diet (watch what I eat etc) but it is far easier without the hunger gremlins. Pizza was my ultimate comfort food. I still eat it, but less than one slice.

It sounds like with everything you have gone through, it is time to do something for yourself.
I have a 9 year old. She went through years of different therapies before she finally got accepted into a learning support unit. There hasn't been a diagnosis for her. I held a lot of guilt - whether I'd done something to her? Thankfully, I don't have those feelings anymore. The defining moment for me was realising that I wanted to be around to see my three children grow up.

Hi Julia,
I am Julie and live in Nth Qld.
I am very cautious of who I tell about my upcoming surgery.
Firstly, unless they have walked in shoes similar to mine, or have a handle on the current options and statistics, they really can't know what it is like.
I have some support from my partner even though he believes it is way too drastic a measure and way to risky-I already have joint replacements and the complications associated with infection are huge and the risk high, though for me it is very similar to you, I am sick of being overweight/obese/fat, I am sick of trying-everything I can to be strong.....yes I can lose weight, no I can't keep it off- does it bother anyone else what I look or feel like -no.. It does bother me.
I am doing what I am doing because of the support from my Dr's and health professionals and my own knowledge and intuition.
I have people giving me so much well meant advice and I know that they mean well though they don't have the last 3 years of medical information that I have absorbed trying with the medical weight loss Dr's help to stop the yo yo..
So I have about 3 people that know what I am doing and if others judge me than so be it.
I will be able to sleep at night and if the worst happens at least I will have given it my best shot.
Hope this helps

Hi everyone!

My name is Julia. I have battled my weight since I began to suffer from depression 10 years ago. I'm 5'11" and my weight has varied from 80kg to 115kg (current). However for most of the 10 years I have sat around 105-110kg. I have been married for 6.5 years and have two lovely children. My eldest child has had had severe health issues since birth, so my husband and I have been through a lot emotionally, and I turn to food for comfort. As I am tall, I can carry my weight well .... but now I am beginning to have physical symptoms from carrying so much extra weight. Mild lower back pain and my previously great Cholesterol reading of 4.0 has moved up to 6.2.

I have had enough of this weight battle. I have spent most of my "youth" being overweight and I refuse to spend my 30s in the same situation. I'm certain that my weight will continue to increase and therefore so will my health problems.
My husband is very supportive of WLS, however my parents are VERY much against it (neither my husband or Mum have weight problems, and my Dad is only mildly overweight). They keep on at me with the usual "eat less and move more". Of course this is 100% true, but unless you have been in the situation of food addiction you just can't understand it.
Have any of you come across negative reactions? My parents know of a lady who passed away from complications due to gastric surgery (not sure if lapband/sleeve/bypass) however she was in her 70s and therefore may have had other factors which contributed to her death?!

Thanks for reading!