Body Dysmorphia

So I am 12 days out from my surgery.  I've lost weight,  yes,  but my intrusive thoughts have convinced me that they've not actually done anything.  That I am the only person in the world that this isn't going to work for.  Whilst the scales say I'm losing weight!  This kind of thinking is that sneaky negative stuff that gets in.  I suppose I used to quiet it with eating. 

I'm battling with old eating disordered thinking at the moment,  on this fluid diet. It's hard when you're only existing in fruit juice.

What I find is very disturbing is that I now have a BMI of 17.8 which is in the severely underweight range. I'm medically considered to be suffering from malnutrition but I still have people come up to me and tell me how much better I look now that I've lost weight. Such a very sick society we live in! It seems that everyone is being brainwashed into believing anything is better than being overweight which is so totally untrue.

This is so funny.  i can so relate to these stories! I still have a wardrobe full of oversized cloths. It is funny how loosing weight has changed the style of clothing that suits my body shape too!  

I must say I still get a kick out of seeing someone I haven;t seen since my surgery in Jan 2014, some are gobsmacked!  There is also the occasional glance from men, which is lovely.  

I have pulled myself up on my thoughts lately though, as even though I am at goal now and have a BMI of 25, I called myself fat the other day.  I had to step back and rationalise those thoughts - no fat was 37kg ago.  I find it hard to look at old photos of myself!

I'm with you denzel!!
I know I'm bigger and wear plus size clothing etc. however I don't realise how obese I am until I see a photo or photos. And then I am disgusted with myself and then I go on a vicious cycle etc etc. you all know how it goes I'm guessing!! My op hasn't been scheduled yet cos I have to have a scope first, but I've been on and off Optifast since jan and have lost 12kgs. I couldn't believe when the 24 in jeans was too loose at Myer on the weekend. I was like huh? Wtf is happening Here. I'm anticipating body dysmorphia though as I suffer social anxiety and panic disorder due to thinking other ppl r judging me more than I am judging myself. My psychs helping me out with that tho. 
I hope everyone gets help that they need with it, mental disorders can control your life and we shouldn't let it.

Hi. I can relate to this. About 10 yrs ago i lost 40+ kilos. Everyone told me how great i looked. But to me i was still fat. Even though i was in a size 12 i couldnt get my head around it. I was asked by a lady at my local WW meeting what was i doing there i was skinny. I reckon its why I have put that weight back on. I look at photos of me back then and think oh i was slim. So ive told myself this is not happening again. I have my sleeve booked for June.

Hi Denzel,

It's weird how ours brains can play with the way we look and lag behind how we have changed, either up or down in weight. I knew I was fat but looking back on my old photos I had no real perception of how big I had gotten. Now that I have lost the weight I still don't seem to have a realistic picture of how I really am but I think it is gradually getting better with time.

cheers Nini

I used to have the opposite problem (and probably still do - I am still overweight, but think that I look 'normal' if not slim...) I didn't realise how fat I was until I saw photos and then I 'd be horrified and embarrassed that was how I was looking.

Hi MissJane,

Good to hear that you have had a lot of thought and discussion about the surgery. Be prepared for an emotional roller-coaster afterward. Most people seem to have an episode of depression or a flare up in anxiety even if they haven't had problems before. Sounds like you have a good support team in your GP and Psych. When is your surgery?


cheers Nini

Hi, 
Thanks for the info.  I was diagnosed with body dismorphia around 6 years ago.  It's taken me that long to convince my psych and my wonderful GPs that I'm not applying for WLS as a self harm strategy.  It's all part of the illness that I'll fixate on the perceived "flaws ", which can be relatively minor,  like a freckle or a spot. They were all concerned when I decidedto "fix" the "whole thing."  It's taken lots of debate and discussion,  which I'm really pleased with.   

I'm actually genuinely curious as to how my mind and body are going to manage this change.  But I'm ready. 

Bring it on!

Thanks, juldon1, I love me some scrounging around the internet!

I had a bit of this when I lost weight,  I would still go to the bigger girl clothes sections in shops and select sizes that were too big for me. I would think that I wouldn't fit through a gap because I was too big but then find out that I could fit with plenty of space to spare. I remember commiserating with one of my patients about being a larger person and I was shocked she thought I was taking the mickey out of her because I was talking like a big person. She said how would I know because I was skinny. It was a weird experience because I still thought of my self being in the "fat club" Weird, hey.

cheers Nini

Nini, see, we are so glad and especially I for one, that you are a searcher of the internet and a person who is so in touch with issues that arise for everyone.

Thank you for this post, an interesting topic dysmorphia, I hadn't even thought about the mind needing to catch up with the body!

Jules

Good topic.  I have a friend who was sleeved, lost 80kg and really struggled with body dysmorphia...took alot of counselling to help.

So interesting isn't it, that our minds may take alot longer than our bodies to adjust to our new weight changes.  Certainly a good reminder that our minds are such powerful and complex machines and have such alot of control.

DayleD

Most of us go through this issue as we lose weight, some more than others. It's probably one of the more distressing problems, where you can't see yourself as others see you. 

Body Dysmorphia and Weight Loss Surgery: What is it?

• 
  Weight loss has some obvious physical effects, but it can affect our minds as well. Many people who lose a large amount of weight may find it difficult to see themselves as being slimmer. This is sometimes the case with bariatric surgery patients. Although many weight loss surgery patients strive for and achieve their weight loss goals, some patients are still left feeling unsatisfied with their appearance. If the scale is telling you one thing, but your perception won’t allow you to see the slimmer you, body dysmorphia could be clouding your judgement.
  

What is body dysmorphia?
Body dysmorphia is a mental illness concerned with body image. It causes the sufferer to be excessively concerned or preoccupied with a perceived imperfection about their physical appearance. This perceived flaw can be minor, or even imagined. It can also coincide with depression, anxiety, social withdrawal and more.
The symptoms of this disorder are wide ranging, but can include:

• preoccupation with the perceived imperfection
  
• self consciousness
  
• excessive mirror checking, or avoiding your reflection altogether
  
• thinking that others are also preoccupied with your appearance in a negative way
  
• strongly believing that the flaw makes you ugly, and more
  

What does it mean for weight loss surgery patients?
For some weight loss surgery patients, body dysmorphia may cause them to become preoccupied with their post-surgery weight. Some patients, despite losing weight after weight loss surgery, still see themselves as being obese.
This may occur, partly due to the fact that weight loss after bariatric surgery can happen rapidly. The mind may not catch up with the body and these rapid changes.
Although the body is making healthy changes, it can sometimes be difficult for the mind to adjust at the same pace, with a healthier body image. This means that even if the patient has lost a lot of weight, they may still see themselves as being overweight because their perception of themselves hasn’t changed.
It can also stem, in part, from societal ideals that say we should all look a specific way. An obsession with these ideals can make it seem like the weight loss achievements you’ve made after your weight loss surgery aren’t enough.
Some people will adjust more quickly than others, but if you’re experiencing symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder, you should discuss these feelings with your surgeon or bariatric support group. Many weight loss surgery patients who struggle with the disorder have a hard time speaking up, but this can make symptoms worse. Asking for help is the only way to reverse these negative thoughts and start accepting your slimmer, healthier body for what it really is--not what your mind says it is.