Most embarrassing, slap in the face or wake up moment..or any of them

I've got no doubt it was due to my size and gender, hence the coward comment

Hi Max, they were probably scared of you man....lol...Your height and your size sent the little bullying weasels running.

Unfortunately we women have all had to deal with the 'mean girls' and these little slips of nothing can cut us with the cruelest taunts. So glad you weren't bullied but I think it probably has more to do with your gender than anything else. Nice to meet you.

Such an extraordinary difference between how you guys have been treated and myself, I'm 6"2 and a mountain of a man, never has anyone teased me about my weight, I suppose it goes to show not only can people be mean but they are also cowards.

Glenice I feel for you as I can see the pain in all the words you have written. I absolutely agree with all you have said about our world being geared towards slim and beautiful people, they certainly seem to be the cream on the top of the pile that is for sure. You have done a great job with your weight loss and I really hope all your hopes and dreams come true, you deserve to be happy and appreciated for yourself, not your size. As for parents being embarrassed or ashamed of their fat kids I really believe that was a thing of the time, like you say there were very few fat kids around then. We had one in high school and one in primary school and that was that, I wasn't even one of them. Having said that I always felt fat compared to my friends but when I look at photos I really wasn't. Strange how we view ourselves in a warped way.

The girl that was fat in high school; was called 'Chub', not in a nasty way but that was what she went by. Now I think about it how horrible, was she dying inside having this as her nick name? I didn't know her real name until I left school, that is what she was introduced to me as and that is what she was always referred to as...seems so odd and mean now. Honestly calling her Chub in those days was no different to Sue or Kathy or the like, how could we have been so ignorant? Thank heavens we have move a little forward from that in society.

Recently I was at the swimming pool with my kids (who are both very tall and slim) and I looked around and 80% of the children there were either overweight or obese, it is a frightening sight. Children use to run and play all day, not huff and puff because they are so rolly polly. Since when do the majority of children have massive love handles or muffin tops, young boys have huge breasts and trouble walking as their thighs rub together. It can only be the introduction of fast food outlets and lack of time for parents to cook wholesome meals at home like we grew up on.

Enough rambling anyway.

I feel like my whole life has been a series of embarassing moments and "light bulb" moments......

My father was paranoid of having a fat kid....so I can remember my baby chubby self being steered away from the table at family gatherings from the age of 3-4 yrs. Later in my life my father would torment me any time I tried to participate in any sports or kicking the ball around with the family or anything. Of course there was the school yard taunting, but I feel like the biggest wake up calls for me were for example when my half sister (12 years my junior) came home from school one day crying because the kids at school had teased her because of MY weight (I had walked her to school that day), or the first time I had to ask for a seat belt extension on a plane, or the time I was walking down the street with my husband (whose a bean pole!) and some homeless lady screamed out at ME and taunted ME because the "fat lady" was holding hands with the "skinny guy".....why it's even a taunt I dont know, but at the time it really hurt. Then there was the time I went on a missions trip to a remote Aboriginal community in northern Qld and the children couldn't stop squeezing the fat on my upper arms and pinching my stomach....because they'd never seen a fat person before. *sigh*

my whole life has been coloured by my weight - it's hard to envisage a life where my weight isn't abnormal anymore. I'm both excited and scared at the prospect!

Oh Glenice - that's so heartbreaking, & I can relate to so much of it - the bullying, the taunting, the fear :(  We also grew up poor, but at least my own parents never fat-shamed me, that is unforgivable :(

Big hugs to you. Why are people so cruel? This is why I much prefer animals (or I should say, non-humans). My little rescue kitties have never judged me by my appearance :)

OMG - embarrassing moments - where do I start!

I grew up as a fat child in the mid 1960's.  Fat kids were MUCH rarer then than they are now.  I went to a country school in Tasmania, farming country, most of the families including mine were very poor (my parents used to trap rabbits on our farm for food to keep us going), but somehow I still managed to be fat when ALL the other kids and I mean all of them, were skinny including my brother. 

The bullies were merciless and sadly I can remember every one of their names and their faces tothis day and that was 45 years ago.  My brother was just a normal kid and only a year younger than me so they called us Fatty and Skinny or Laural and hardy.  To futher alienate both of us - my mother was a naturapath and becoming known for her abilities in healing in this small country community.  She was known as the witch doctor.  So we were full on targets because of that as well.

Mostly the older kids would bully me both in the play ground and before and after school on the school bus.  The school was an area school so the kids ages went up to 16 or so and they were cruel.  I remember being chased down by one of the older boys and being held down whilst he smeared dog faeces on my leg with a stick.  when I told the teachers they didnt believe me.  I was afraid to go to certain areas of the playground because those kids congregated there.  The taunters also included much older girls who should have had a shred of empathy but no - travelling home on the bus became my personal nightmare.  Several of them took to sticking my brother and I with pins as we walked up the aisle to get off the bus. Sometimes it was screw drivers. the bus driver saw all of this and did nothing.  He'd play to the crowds and wait until our hands were between the seat handles and jam on the breaks so we'd stumble and fall, the bus would errupt with laughter and cheers.  It was truly terrible.  We started putting little golden books (remember those) into our underwear before boarding the bus to go home.

My father once insisted when my brother and I travelled in the back seat of the car with him and mum, that i sit in the middle of the back seat to balance the car.....that was when I was in my early teens.  That was bad.  I hated him for that and never forgave him.  He'd also say to me when I was older I should lose weight as it would cost less petrol for my car.  My mother also used to try to make me go to my room when she had 'clients' come to see her for her naturapath services because she said it looked bad if she was peddling a healthy lifestyle and she had a fat daughter.

Of course all through high school it never let up.  One fellow said to me - you'd be okay if you weren't so fat. Some older girls would actually seek me out at high school to hurl abuse at me.  Sometimes I feared for my physical safety.

What I did shine at, at school and which I thought 'showed them' was I was a great scholar, did really well at school and was dux of my final high school year.  So I beat them all in the end.  But it wasnt as sweet a victory as I imagined.  I was still fat and not 'included', I didnt have the right denomination of 'cred', being smart just didnt hit their radar at all.

I managed to lose a lot of weight in my early 20's (about 45-47 kg I think) which changed my life and I met my current husband and got married.  However, when I started gaining weight in my mid 40's, and in conversation with my hubby, he told me that if he'd met me when I was 'this big' back then (this conversation took placee 40 kg ago), he wouldnt have looked twice at me, I would have been invisible pretty much.  That was soul destroying I have to say, even though he's never faultered from my side ever, loves me and has supported me whenever I tried to lose weight in the past.  He was 100% behind me with my decision to go ahead with surgery.  He simply told me 'I want the old Glenice back'.  And she's coming back bit by bit.  I do feel much much better about myself even now and I still have about 40 kg to go, but just the 30 so far has made such a difference to my moods I suppose and my joi de vivre is returning which is what he's noticed had been absent in recent years because of my predicament.

I've had little kids walk behind me with their cheeks puffed out and waddle, I've had a bus load of young 20 something guys throw projectiles out a bus window at me when I was out walking once - that shocked me, as one of the items actually hit me.  A friend of mine who is also over weight had been walking past a building site and had the buys sing 'who let the dogs out...' really loudly. That just killed her and I feel for her.

People are truly cruel.  I've been ready and waiting for some kid or someone to actually come up and say to me 'geez you're fat' and I was always going to say 'geez you're ugly - I can change mine - good luck with not being ugly any time soon'.  The opportunity has never presented itself.

Judgements are made on appearances all the time and I think we're all guilty of that to some degree, whether it be weight, how someone is dressed or what type of car they drive or house or area they live in.  Would you hire a fat or obese cleaner or gardener to work for you?  Would a gym hire an over weight receptionist?  Would you hire a builder to build you a dream home if you knew he lived in a caravan?  No of course not.  And I know some of you will find the fact I've even written this offensive - but it's how a lot of the world currently works.  That said - it doesnt make those judgements right, but we have aLONG way to go to change public perceptions especially when we are inundated with media advertising and focus on selling everything with only lithe, bewdiful or handsome people.

One of my nieces use to say that she loved cuddling me as I was so soft and squishy. Of course as a child she meant that as a compliment and something loving but we all know what it really meant...faaaaaat

I was on holidays overseas with my husband. We'd had such a good time together. I had lost weight in the lead up to the trip (as you do when confronted with the thought of swimming costumes and wobbly bits). I was still self-conscious but hadn't let it stop me from doing the things I wanted....I swam, I jet skied, I had cocktails in my hammock...
And then, as we are checking in for the plane trip home....when I hand my ticket over, the flight attendant says 'Excuse me Miss, but I have to ask this, are you pregnant?'
Why did he have to ask this? I have no idea. My brain melted with the shame, and I was too busy fighting back tears to make any kind of comeback. I don't remember answering him. But I do remember a lot of tears after take off.

The other one where I wanted the ground to swallow me up...
I was spending some time with my friend and her little girl. My friend is naturally skinny despite having children. Anyway, as I come through the door, her little girl throws herself at me for cuddles. Big squeezy lovely hello cuddles....and then she turns to my friend and says 'Mummy, why is Aunty so much softer than you???'

I know! Heck, I remember being 17 years old, at Uni, & having total strangers yell at me "Hey love, try Jenny Craig!"  That was 28 years ago, & I still vividly remember the hurt & humiliation. When I think of all the taunts I was subjected to... And the worst thing is, I would have had a BMI of 26 at the time. I'd kill to be that weight now!

I was thinking about this today. I would imagine most people would not walk up to a stranger who was smoking & launch into a sermon about cigarettes. Because that would be rude / none of their business. Yet SO many people feel they have a right to push the latest stupid food fad onto us. Or suggest things like "Hey, just eat a bit less. And go for a walk." Next person to try that on me, I'm going to collapse at their feet and praise the good lord for sending me an angel'o'mercy who has the answer to my problem. Stupid twat-waffles, probably won't even realise I'm mocking them.

Oh I am a bit sensitive about this, aren't I lol. I think I'm finally becoming confident enough not to be the 'nice fat girl' anymore. Don't worry, I'm not turning into monster, just going to stand up for myself a bit more. And if I hear some comedian dissing someone who's making an effort - well let's just say they're going to get an earful from me about manners :)

And if anyone gives me unsolicited advice about my weight, then my first question is going to be - "Where they at one time morbidly obese themselves? Or do they have a track record of helping 100's of morbidly obese people lose weight & keep it off over a 5 year period. And if the answer to both those questions is no, well I'm going to tell them in great detail where they can stick their 'well-meant' advice.

Trouble with these hurtful comments is most people are just too darned embarrassed to say anything back as it would draw more attention to themselves.

I was at the local footy one day and there was a rather huge (and jumpers only stretch so far) player out on the field. As he ran past someone yelled out from off the ground "hey number 18, it is that way to the canteen and if you hurry they have some hot dogs left"... Of course the comedian got lots of laughs but I can only imagine what that young man felt inside.

I thought to myself, at least he is out there giving the sport a go and you are just in the stands you big tool...

JohnoT I witnessed an awesome comeback to that awful comment "Are you sure you should be having that?" in a workplace one. The woman to whom the comment was addressed stood up, turned to the person who said it, & very calmly said "You know what? You can file that under the 'none of your f$cking business' section". We applauded :)

A few times at work this has happened to me. There would be a birthday for someone we would all be eating cake and talking and some idiot would say to me " Your sure you should be eating that?" or " Do you need that?" then walk away laughing. I just try to laugh along with them because I know their idiots, but you really feel like slamming into their faces

 

Good for you Garfield, you have done a fabulous thing for yourself. Forget those other non supportive forums. When it comes to weight and being over weight it is such a sensitive issue, people really can react very strongly about any little thing you say. It is like they feel attacked because we are having the surgery to deal with our weight and they are not. Like we are now judging them.
As for the shorts and tees, I haven't worn shorts for ever and a day, probably when I was a teenager. My tees all get stuck on my bulges and back fat and I feel uncomfortable in them.
I really look forward to the day when I can just 'throw' something on and go and do whatever activity. Now I have to really plan what I wear and make sure nothing clings and of course everything does. I look forward to being FREE...

No, it was many many years ago now.  He doesn't know I've had the WLS or anything.  Now I realise the level of depression I was caught in.  It was a vicious cycle that I couldn't get out of.  I had to stop relying on others and do it for myself or have others tell me how I should do it making me feel guilty for every bite I took.  It wasn't easy but I'm glad of the end result and I am proud to say, I did it on my own without suffering with starvation, no one else can take credit for what I have now gained, sure there has been ups and downs, but one foot in front of the other, just keep going..... very few people know as I'm not the sharing type but I've got some gf's that do know as they have had the surgery themselves.

People can sometimes not realise how harsh their words can be.  On another site I was attacked by several members saying I made them feel like shit because they would love to be starting weight.  I hadn't shared my height, general stature, co-morbs etc.  I tried to defend myself that I a getting worse every month, with depression getting deeper so I am taking the steps now to stop this getting even worse.  I certainly didn't want to put down someone double my weight but just try to understand I can't see things getting better, I'm unable to control myself, I had spent thousands on every type of weight loss method available (apparently the newest one I read today is clay, but it can contain high levels of arsenic!) and it made them even more irate as they didn't think to take the steps early on so I was in a no win situation apart from leaving the 'support' group.

Now I can't wait for summer!  With weight drop I feel the cold so much more and look forward to venturing out in shorts and a t-shirt!  I don't even OWN any shorts so that will be the next think on my list to buy :-)

Are you still with this partner Garfield?

             

When one of the grand mothers as school rubbed my belly and ask how much longer and I replied, I'm fat not pregnant and ran away so quickly.  Told my partner that night who said well you kind do.... sucker punched me right there.  He made it worse when he turned to me and said I am not attracted to you anymore because you keep gaining weight despite him trying to starve me on these tiny portions of salad and tuna as I wasn't allowed to cook anymore as all I cooked was fatty foods.  Being abused because I was a low BMI starting weight so I shouldn't be entitled to WLS as my SW was their GW (they never asked me my height, built or co-morbs).  May only have been 40kg I needed to lose but I couldn't do it on my own and was going deeper and deeper in depression.

I had a patient say to me she couldn't understand why I was so big as I was the hardest worker and never stopped moving. She meant it as a compliment!

Also when my kids were younger I was playing soccer with them. When I finally scored a goal my little son ran around with his arms in the air yelling "And the fat lady scores!!"

Not my finest moments.

cheers Nini

Love that you vandal you.  My light bulb moment was when my sister who is also very obese bigger then I was actually kept saying that since she turned 60 she now tell people to contact her at the Drs office because she was always there.  I thought holy crap will that be me in 4.5yrs my answer to myself was no brothers and sisters is ain't I started my research there and then.  My times like yours have mostly been me actually putting shit on myself when I went shopping and got a full view look at myself under those change room lights I felt like abusing myself it made me so angry that I looked like that my mirrors at home were so much kinder.

I was chatting to someone about weight and was thinking about a moment that someone else truly embarrassed me, or mentioned my weight. I am sure we all have our own stories and I would love to hear about the moment you decided 'enough is enough' or when you felt put down because of your weight.

One of my stories (and I am sure I will think of more) is when I wanted to buy a cardigan for my very slim Mother. She is around size 10-12 and I thought it would be a nice gift. I had JUST stepped inside the store as I saw a lovely cardigan up on the wall display when the shop girl rushed up to me and said "we don't have anything in your size here, we have nothing over a size 16"...well you could have knocked me down with a feather. I was quite a bit younger so I handled it differently to what I would now but as I left the shop I mumbled something about it being for my Mum and you have lost a sale.

Now I think back on it, if the shop was still there I would like to go egg it...lol