8 days post surgery - some ups, some downs

Sarah, what an experience.  Im not sure if this will help.  I had the surgery one week ago after about 2 years of thinking and researching and saying NOTHING to my husband (who is a surgeon).  Two months ago a friend was having the procedure and I said to him "what would you think if I considered this?".  To be honest (he is a very conservative surgeon - I thought he would be opposed).  His answer "absolutely I would support you".  I think we need to look at your overall health issues, not just the weight but how the weight is impacting on so many other factors in your life (health and self esteem).  Within 2 weeks I was booked.  Initially I was going to tell no one except my husband but then thought that if any of my family had surgery I would be very angry if they did this to me.  My mum and sister (both nurses) supportive, dad and brother supportive.  One very close friend supportive.  Two days before op, my brother comes around to tell me my family are freaking out and could I explain the surgery to him in more detail.  I really thought we had covered it all.  I went through it with him and he said it really makes sense what you are doing.  Don't worry about the others.  I was quite disappointed as I thought they were 100% behind me but thought too late now, I'm doing it.  Looking back what I think it really was, was not the idea of the gastric sleeve but the thought of surgery and the complications I might go through.  As it was I did .. a day post op I developed some hematomas and had to be taken back to theatre.  I spent the week in hospital.  Not easy with four young children but am I feeling positive.  Absolutely!  As my husband explained the health risks I had in the next 10 years or so would start to impact my life way more than my weight does.  He was afraid I wouldn't be around when I was 50!  My friend told no family until a few weeks post op when they were feeling great (its a bit harder to argue the point when the deed is done and you have a well looking person in front of you).  Although I have not lost weight to date, I am going to try stay off the scales and limit it to once a week.  I hope this helps ...

Sarah, I understand how you feel especially the guilt about going through surgery. My sleeve had complications and I'm now 15months down the track, just out of another week in hospital..my 16th admission, 20th endoscopy and 10th surgery. I'm still on feeding tubes and chronic other issues. I've had some very scary moments and also,developed some anxiety and depression from it all. I told only one person the truth, and all this time later so many friends, work etc have just given me so much support for my 'illness' sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the guilt, but I tell myself I am ill now, which I am, but it doesn't make it easier. Every time one of them would visit, bring me flowers, pay for parking, and mostly, worry about me I felt bad. My former boss and others even got together for a prayer night for me (tho I'm not religous). The worry I've put some people through really upsets me. My best friend has been reduced to tears so many times and it breaks my heart. I don't have any real brainwaves except being obese has so many health risks, this surgery is treatment, not cosmetic. Try to look at it as necessity and take pride you made such a decision for your future even tho it was risky. Even if you have no issues, it isn't the easy way out either. It is still life threatening and very tough. You will go through many emotions still to come. Don't be hard on yourself. I wish you lots of luck telling your mum. I still haven't. I don't think I ever will, especially now. I'll be interested to hear how you go.

Xxx

Sarah - your poor hubby was really worried about you, I'm sure now that you are on the mend he can relax and stop worrying and you both can enjoy the new journey that you have embarked on and discover how much nicer life is when you find that you can lose weight! and now it will stay off!

You can't really predict what people's reactions are going to be when you tell them about the WLS, I didn't tell many people either cause I don't need any negative comments on top of all my own worries. I didn't tell my elderly parents because I live on the other side of Australia to them and I didn't want them worrying about me and being so far away from them. I flew over and saw them about 3 weeks after the surgery and told them and they were very supportive which was nice. I've told a couple of girlfriends and they have been great and very supportive. But I really do understand why you may not want to tell too many people, and of course it is your choice.

Your hubby sounds lovely and when you talk to your mum about the surgery, have him on hand to support you if she is a bit negative about it, but chances are she'll probably be supportive.

     

Hi Sarah,

Congratulations on getting your sleeve. In my books, you are so so brave! (as are so many people on this forum) And I wish I had your strength.   
I'm so glad that your surgery went without complications and hopefully you will be on the mend shortly.

It is always scary watching a loved one go through a surgery. My husband had a small operation a few years ago, but had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia drugs. I was a terrified, shaking mess!
You're a lucky woman to be loved so much :) Maybe, when you are all healed up, you could do something special for him to make up for the scare? Like a romantic weekend away, or shopping (okay, that's what I would like..haha)

It's a funny thing about how some larger people react to the idea of WLS. I remember years ago when I first started packing on the pounds (and I knew I was out of control even in the beginning), I confided in my sister who is larger than me that I was considering the band. I thought that out of all of the people in my life she would be the most understanding because she was in a similar situation.
She knew what it was like to have to buy clothes that fit instead of clothes you liked. She has been on the pointy end of bitchy snide comments. She knows what its like to sit by the side of the pool on a hot day instead of diving in. I could go on and on here...

So I thought I would be safe. Could not have been more wrong!! She responded with anger. I got the 'you just need to diet and exercise' and the 'are you really that pathetic' lecture. And all the time in my head I was thinking, but if its THAT easy then why are we both chubba chups??? I kept silent though.
When I told my mum about possibly getting the sleeve...it was a different reaction. It wasn't judgement, there were some positive comments about me taking control but there was a lot of fear and questions about the surgery (fair enough). So I guess you can never really tell how people will react...

I hope that everything goes okay with your mum when you tell her. Maybe make sure your husband is there with you as support because he sounds like a sweetheart.


 

Hi all,

I guess this is really the first time I've 'gone public' with any part of this journey. So this is nerve wracking and I can feel the anxiety begin to set in. But I need to push through!

I booked my surgery all the way back in March 2013, I was really excited about the change I was going to be making. My friends were pretty excited too. My husband and I shared the news with another couple, the bloke was really supportive, saying things like 'way to go!' and 'good on you!' The girl on the other hand was incredibly negative. She was larger than I was, and much older, but still felt the need to ridicule me. 

The friendship didn't last, but the experience has made me really think about who I told. I haven't told my mum. The one person I want to talk to about this, knows nothing about the journey I've taken so far. 

I wouldn't feel so bad if it was a textbook, easy experience. The surgery on the Friday went well, but Sunday night I picked up some high temps and pulse rates, the swallow test on Monday went very well, no leaks or ruptures! However I picked up some nasty pneumonia. This meant longer in hospital. Well, didn't anxiety and depression set in after that. 

I wasn't sleeping while actually in hospital, I begged for something to help me sleep, to no avail. They were able to give me morphine occasionally, but OMG that needle hurt!

I was discharged late on Wednesday evening and had the most incredible sleep in my own bed. My amazing husband volunteered to sleep on the couch.

One thing that I did underestimate through this though was how much turmoil I was putting him through. He was there when I came out of surgery, I don't remember seeing him, but I remember holding his shaking hand. He tells me now, 'you were so white, I thought I was going to lose you.' He has been under so much stress from this and himself has lost 5 kgs while I was in hospital. 

My mum is coming up to Brisbane for Christmas, I'm not going to be able to hide why I'm not eating. I am going to tell her, but I am still quite worried about her judgement.

Thanks for reading!