What did you tell people?

In the last couple of months, I have begun telling people about my upcoming op, and have received nothing but positive and supportive comments. My immediate family have known since it was in the works 18 months or so ago, and Ive always had their support.

I consider myself an open person, and I probably tell people far more than what they need to know about my personal life, lol! It has just felt 'right' for me to be open about this aspect of my life too. I first heard of the sleeve when a friends sister began talking to me about having hers done, and if she hadnt of been so open, it may have taken me longer to discover this weight loss surgery option, as I had been considering the lap band...if I can repay the favour for other people in my life, then I consider that a great thing :)

I already have 2 friends waiting for me to have my surgery, and keen to see how I go, as they are considering it for themselves.

Maybe Im naive, but a friend who says negative things about my surgery/weight loss is not really a friend....and Ive learnt over the years to not give a toss what other people think of me :)



Each to their own though. Only you know what you feel comfortable telling or not telling others.

By the way Erin,

You absolutely do things in your own time (hope your mum can keep it under wraps in the meantime lol) but I think anyone having this surgery is showing that they are committed to changing their lives and getting healthy. Not just for themselves but their family and loved one and in fact, for the good of the whole community.

We are all potentially saving the public health system from having to subsidize the cost of treating obesity related conditions in the future. We are brave and responsible, not cheats.

If your extended family don't see that at first it's just because they haven't really thought about it. They will surely all sing it's praises when (and if you decide to tell them) they see how it has changed your life.

What a precious gift you're giving your kids too - life's too short. I say take the fast lane to better health at every opportunity:) we've all got more important things to focus on in life!

I told everyone... There's not much about myself that I keep to myself... Unfortunately.

I got really positive responses - I only had a couple of people who said "why on Earth would you do that?" or the worst "you might end up with saggy skin everywhere, I know someone...".

My response was pleasant but direct and simple... This is not about getting "skinny" this is about saving myself from a future of obesity related illness. As such I was taking the fastest and surest lasting way to regain my health (for me).

Everyone gets that now - in fact I get strangers coming up to me at work saying how jealous they are because they are so damn hungry all the time and sick of yo-yo dieting. Been there done that.

I also want as many people as possible to find out about this surgery - I found out about it around this time last year and I wish I had known about it years ago...

But having said that I do envy those of you who could keep it to yourselves - it would be easier sometimes:)

hey All.....



i actually struggled in considering what to tell whom, and this is the way its played out so far



i told my mum and my significant other. i havnt yet told my own adult kids that im having surgery because as yet i dont have a date. when i have a date ive pretty much decided to just tell them that i need a gall bladder looked at. My mum has so far told my sister in law and not sure who else...lol...moral of that story is becareful what you tell your 81 year old mum....



as for my kids i figure i will tell the truth at some point down the track along with some other members of the family.



But i do fear the reprisal that alot of extended family members will view this as the cheats way out. when i so know its not. my immediate family of my mum and sister and sister in law know the truth of the struggles ive had through out my life with weight. whether they themselves agree or understand is another thing entirely, but hey time will tell there as well.



As for work, i figure they dont really need to know as i find this a really personal decision. I have mentioned to them i am needing surgery for a reflux and gall bladder condition. Ive also mentioned to my workplace that following the surgery my eating maybe funny for a few weeks as things will need to heal.



the only other person that knows if my best friend and big supporter of me doing this



so thats pretty much how i tackled it



modified version of the truth

At first I only told my immediate family and 3 really close friends, then when I got my approval I sent out a group email to 9 of my closest friends starting with 'If you have received this email then it means you are someone special in my life who means a lot to me'...then went on to explain why and about the surgery. Some of those sawy me through my spinal surgery & 12mths recovery when I was 18 (22yrs ago) so I didn't have a problem with their support, others are really close and 2 are best friends who are personal trainers who have trained me and have watched me struggle to lose weight (see I also have a heridatery heart condition), one of them has even trained a lady recently who had a sleeve done 12 months ago. The response I received from everyone has been wonderful and positive..even had one of the males offer to send his fiancee over to fill in the nagging gap so my hubby wasn't lonely while I was in hospital.



All I told my boss was I needed 2 weeks for surgery my GP and Cardiologist had been asking me to consider. I also had a big ears at work who was listening into my cryptic phone call with hubby, that I slipped up on, and started asking questions so I told him I had a mass on my stomach that was benign but it affected my circulation, thus putting strain on my heart, and I had to have part of my stomach removed to remove the mass (in a tone that said you don't get to ask any more questions).... Oh, I am also a legal person so really good at spinning BS stories - he believed me.



Personally I don't think you need to tell anyone you are not comfortable with it is really none of their business. After all, first and foremost we have the sleeve done for US, our health and own longevity and piece of mind, not for anyone else.

I've told people who need to know (bosses, immediate family other than hubby and oldest kid) the part of the truth that I feel comfortable sharing- that I had a hiatus hernia repaired. Because I *did* have one repaired when my sleeve was done. Pre-op and post-op diet etc was all the same as for just the hernia repair. The subsequent weight loss, I just put down to "not being able to eat much", which I don't bother to explain.

Only hubby, 18 yr old kid and my friend who lent the $$ for the op to me know the whole story.

edited to add the couple of friends/acquaintances who I have told the whole truth to are very overweight and struggle with it- it doesn;t seem right to lie about it to them. False advertising or something.

What a moo! Some people are so competitive, it drives me nutty
In that kind of situation where it seems like people are just out to big note themselves, I personally wouldn't bother trying to explain on their level - just say "good luck with that" ... assuming she isn't in the 1% of people that manage to sustain weight loss, she'll probably manage to work out that WLS isn't the easy way out for herself in years to come!

Well today I had a situation where I ran into an old friend that I have not seen for a couple of years.

As I would normally be at work she asked me what I was up. I told her that I was off work due to having surgery.

I decided to tell her the truth as we have both spoken about our weight issues over the years. She was interested and curious. I answered all her questions then proudly told her I have lost 12 kilos. Then she told me that she had lost 18 kilos, but she had done it the 'hard way'!

I took a deep breath and calmly said there is nothing 'easy' about major sergery.


This was why I did not want to tell people. I don't think I will be telling anyone again.

:D thanks feel free to use it - I think it but I never remember it or manage to get it out sounding like that! lol

Kaia wrote:

"I have a condition where my stomach is much larger then it needs to be and it causes me problems with overeating. If they can't remove a large part of my stomach I will likely have to stay on a highly restricted and controlled diet for the rest of my life, and that's no way to live, counting every calorie, every meal, every day - for the rest of my life. Once the extra portion of stomach is removed I will be able to eat the same amount as someone with a normal sized stomach and the issues that I have had associated with my weight can then be gotten under control with a normal healthy diet and exercise"

That is the best description I think I have read - I think I might use that, as I am often lost for words when people ask why I had the sleeve done!

I told every one when I had my Band done 4 yrs ago..I think because I was so excited..and couldn't contain my self and had to tell..well do I regret it ..hell yeah.I lost 54kgs in the first 7months and everyone at work and friends gave me so many complements and I loved it..BUT 4 yrs later I have put all but 15 kgs back on and no longer work as I had a bub 16 months ago..I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my failure that I hardly venture out as I don't wan't to bump into anyone from work..as I can only Imagin what they would say..I have already seen 2 people from work and the look of shock on their faces told me every thing they were thinking...My sister's are very critical and think it's a big joke I have faild at the lap-band.I am now hoping to have the sleeve done by nov and will not tell any one but my mum,2 best friends and my partner as I don't want the embarrassment all over again if I fail the sleeve...The hurt and embarrassment is to much to take again if it happens..Good luck hope all goes well for you xx

I really don't believe in lying, but I'm not going to be telling people either - it isn't anyone's business however, making up stories will just complicate life unnecessarily... I don't know who this quote is from, but you've probably all heard it before:

"oh what a wicked web we weave, when first we practice to deceive"

So tell people if you want them to know, or don't tell people if you don't want them to know but you don't need to make yourself a liar in the process, because the truth is much simpler and here it is:

"I have a condition where my stomach is much larger then it needs to be and it causes me problems with overeating. If they can't remove a large part of my stomach I will likely have to stay on a highly restricted and controlled diet for the rest of my life, and that's no way to live, counting every calorie, every meal, every day - for the rest of my life. Once the extra portion of stomach is removed I will be able to eat the same amount as someone with a normal sized stomach and the issues that I have had associated with my weight can then be gotten under control with a normal healthy diet and exercise"

It may be waffling bullshite BUT it is the truth lol

Thanks for all of your replys guys!

I ended up going with the liver thing, i'm not really sure why actually, it just came out of my mouth the first time someone asked my why I was going to have surgery. Up until that point I was still undecided what I was going to say. Weird.

I'm not ashamed to be having WLS, I just don't make it a habit to share medical problems with everyone I meet!

I plan on telling no-one and if asked I will say that I had to get my ongoing gastroentrological problem fixed. I figure I wouldn't tell people if I was on a diet, why would I tell them about this.

For all who have already had their gallbladder removed, you can use it again as an excuse. Apparently it is quite common to get "sludge" and stones caught up in the bile ducts after a gall bladder removal and you need to get it cleaned out or the pain can be worse than the gall bladder. I have had both procedures done and the bile duct pain was worse!

I've told the entire internet - the various forums I frequent all have it on there, and I've got a VLOG and a blog... lol.



I have TRIED to be kind of selective about who I tell IRL, but I am one of those people who sucks at keeping their own secrets.



I had no intentions on telling my MIL, but she started to suggest the band to me (she's bigger too, so I didn't feel hurt by this), but she kept going on about it, and I kept having to say, "oh, no no..." etc until I realised that if she suggested the band, she must be supportive of WLS, so I told her about the sleeve. I'm not sure whether this was a good idea or not now though... my partner assures me she's supportive, but at times she seems irritated I'm getting it done. Then again, maybe she's been happy to have another bigger person in the family... everyone else is skinny... so if I lose, it'll just be her, which I know from experience, sucks.



I will not be telling my father (he loves to lecture) and if ANYONE tells my SIL I will lose it - she is a horrible person at the best of times, and I have no doubt she mocks me and my weight already, I don't want to give her something else to complain about and make me feel bad about.



If anyone discovers I'm in hospital, I'll be telling them that it's a hernia thing OR that there's something going wrong from my previous gallbladder removal surgery (I dunno? Maybe teh thing they shut everything off with is dodgy?).

Well said Emily & Vronnie. I agree totally. I am definitely not ashamed of looking into this weight loss surgery, I am quite proud that I have finally admitted to myself that I need help instead of sitting in denial eating a large packet of potato chips every day, waiting for the next diet fad to roll around!!! If Surgeon agrees for me to have op, the only people that will know are my parents and siblings (and my husband of course).



I live in a small town, and I know it probably happens everywhere, but in such small populations there are soooo many kill-joys (and extremely narrow-minded and hurtful individuals) that like nothing better than to knock people who are achieving something (and don't mind doing it to your face). And quite honestly I don't need that sort of negativity in my life!!!



The way I see it is I haven't gone around talking to every person about diets/fads when I've been on them, so why is the sleeve op different? It is a private thing to me also. I'm choosing to tell my close fam because we are all very very close and it is major surgery, putting myself in their shoes, I'd want to know if they were having a procedure. Plus, like you Dakodasmum, I need my mum and dad to babysit ;)



Each to their own I suppose.



Take care everyone

I am having my sleeve done in October, I have told close family and friends what I am up to and most of them have been extremely supportive. I was really scared of telling my Mum and especially my step Dad because he has always been so cruel to me regarding my weight issues, but suprisingly it went really well. I probably wouldnt of told her but since I am a single Mum I will require her to look after my daughter for me. Every single friend I have told has been extremely supportive, they are all counting down the weeks with me and are excited to see my weight loss journey begin. However... I am not going around telling everyone willy nilly. I already made that mistake. I told a client at work what I was doing and he was extremely negative and bascially made out that if I had it done I would be cheating and to just get out there and exercise like every other normal person. I like to think of these people as close minded individuals and I didnt come to this decision lightly. I have battled weight loss since an early teen and I have tried every weight loss regime under the sun, including extensive hours of painful exercise which either resulted in failure to loose weight, or failure to keep the weight off. I am also having my gall bladder out at the same time so luckily I am just going to tell negative indivduals or anyone for that matter that I dont see fit to know the "real deal". Ive even gone as far as saying that because of my gall bladder issue I am finding it extremely difficult to lose weight, and since they know that im having it out, they will assume the "weight loss" is because of the gall bladder being removed. Tell those you believe will offer you valuable support, you need those people around you. Anyone else, lie lie lie!! its none of their business anyways!! :)

Yes I agree. For me its very personal & only my husband knows.

I don't know why people seem to make the leap that not telling everyone = being ashamed of WLS. I am not ashamed of my surgery, but I don't feel the need to discuss my personal business with strangers. My weight has always been a sensitive personal issue and I just don't feel comfortable having it be up for public discussion.

I only told my husband and made him come to see the GP first so we could talk about what our choices were if we intended to try to have more children with PCOD. Everyone else, even my parents, I told it was to help with the ongoing issues I have had with PCOD to kick start my metabolism and correct hormonal issues which was true, just omitted the fact that weight loss would help all of this immensely.

I figure this is a really personal choice and something I'm doing for me. I didn't want anyone's opinion on my motivations, I just wanted to go ahead and make myself healthy in the way I found was best.

I did not plan to tell many people, but those who do know have been very supportive.

There are probably people who know who do not approve, but they are not being negative to my face.

I do not announce it to the world, but those that ask I tell them the truth.

Having Weight Loss Surgery is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a step towards being healthy. :)

I told everyone - the only person who was in the least bit negative was one lady at work - and she was just worried about it being a "drastic" step.

I had to tell - I'm hopeless at keeping secrets!

I told a number people I was having surgery. But I lied to alot of people about what I was having done.

In the end I did tell more people than I had intended the truth. Most were supportive. But those that I know wont be I have not told the truth.

I don't want to deal with people judging me, I allready get enough of that.

I have started to see a psychologist as I want to work on the reasons why I eat as well. She would like me to get to a point where I don't care who knows and dont care about people judging me. She said may still not want to tell everyone she just does not want me to feel any guilt about my choices.

I think you have to do what makes you happy. I would tread carefully as I have heard lots of stories from others that did not tread carefully and did regret it.

I'm the same as Bec, i told everyone, and have had major support (the amount has shocked me to no end!)

I'm fat, and have tried many other ways of losing weight with limited success, im not ashamed that i am taking control of my life, and i don't want to have to hide my sleeving because if it goes the right way i will have it for the rest of my life!! if people can't be happy for me then i really don't need them in my life!! that's just the way i see it

I toally feel much the same I am only telling one sister and my partner about what is going to happen as I don't have my mother anymore (xo) and my bro other sister and father are sporty people iron man, cycling races etc and I just did not get their genes or my younger sister and they are often at myself and my younger sister to do something about our weight but they always say it so rude sometimes so Iam going first being the older and hope if all goes well she may follow. People don't need to know everything I would only tell those whom you know will be supportive of you. My daugther has has a liver transplant almostr 3 yrs ago now and I can come up with penlty of liver test, ops biospy if anyone needs some excuses!! best of luck.