Reactions and Comments to Weightloss

Hey Bingo Butt
Sounds like your mum and mine share the same affliction - are you sure we don't have the sme mum? It's very hurtful when they say such things, isn't it? I try to view mum's comments as her problem, not mine (as do my sisters) but it's not easy. If your mum truly is like mine, soon she'll even say an occasional nice thing too - I hope so.
Hugs

Hi Everyone

I think, I would have preffered this journey to be out of everyone's eye's. Ideally have the surgery go some nice surroundings where no one knows me...


Then in 6 months come home and suprise everyone especially hubby. I think if people are around you on a daily basis they tend not to notice the weight loss as much compared to peeps you havent seen over several weeks...


((HUGS))
BingoButt

lol I've had skinny minnie too and thought WTF??? wasnt sure how to take it but anyhoo...lol Just think how much they will notice after you go back to school Janette!!!

Linda you look sensational baby!!! I love the new hair..I've been waiting for a new pic for so long :)

There is 2 of us at work losing weight. Both the other lady and I have always been overweight, we are both doing really well and we are starting to get the 'look at you 2' and one actually called me skinny minney the other day, which I just raised my eyebrows LOL I weigh 110 kgs and haven't had by surgery yet...........

I can see where she was coming from, because you can really notice it in my face.

When I finish work to have my surgery I won't see most of my work colleges for 7 weeks until school goes back next year, I think they might be in for a surprise

Hi all,

I am loving the comments at the moment, but I sometimes wonder if someone notices nearly every kilo you loose what did they think of you before???

lindabinda -- I just have to say you look absolutely fantastic, love the new look, its awesome.

Linda, I just love your new look (as compared to the previous photo). Very classy and funky!!
Go gurl!!

Will have to tell you all when I get some "oh you're too skinny" comment, none so far.....but anyhow, I have always been an "oh, thankyou" kind of girl for any compliments and so far have not had one negative.
Funny how our mothers affect us isn't it? I always blamed my mother but now when I look back she tried so hard. My older sister was a skinny little thing, the last time we were the same height was when I was in yr 1 and all she ate was corn flakes (dry), tuna and cheese! Mum was forever trying to get her to eat and i ate everything so till i started piling on the weight at 5 or 6 she was happy. By the time I was in yr 3 I was seeing a dietitian and Mum had the whole family eating as I had to. She ran me around places and picked me up and made me special meals and lunches and never complained about it. Mum used to make all our clothes as well so I had similar to everybody else.
This surgery and the counselling that go with it has given me the insight and the power to forgive my mum in my heart, and to be able to see how much she tried to do for me those years and years ago.
Linda :)

I'm with you Imboyd,
I can keep other people's secrets but not my own, I'm too excited to keep this one, so I tell everyone, I figue if they want to talk about me thats fine, while their talking about me there leaving everyone else alone lol.

very well said Imboyd !!!

Hi eveyone . Yes other peoples reactions are very interesting especially compliments. I have never kept my op a secret infact I have told everyone I know including my clients, friends, the media..only joking! Despite this, some people are embarrassed for me, thanks for that and awkwardly say you look like you have lost weight what are you doing? I decided to have a little fun with one of the school mums today, when she asked me that question and me knowing full well that she knew the answer. She said what have you been doing..starving yourself ? I answered with Yes I have and I have been having up to tthree enimas a day and I work out for 5 hours a day ..I said it with a straight face anyway there was silence for a minute and then I cracked up laughing and said , No silly Ive had surgery I think she was relieved.
My dad brought me up in my teenage years and told me constantly that nobody would ever love me if I was fat except for him of course! lucky me I constantly remind him of this when I have my yearly wedding anniversaries coming up 13 years and my husband adores me fat, slim, or whatever !
My mother has never been over size 8 and constantly tells me I will be much happier ,slim. Perhaps we could go shopping together then , no thanks mum im not into supre!
Mum and dad are both on their own now and they are not happy with their lives but I love them both and know they didnt know the pain they caused me way back then.
What Im trying to say is that people say or dont say things that are innapropriate all the time and at the end of the day its not the chubby one that should be ashamed . Il take the compliments with a bit of fun and i dont give a rats what else is said as long as they say it behind my back, they wouldnt dare say it to my face lol!

Terri. I think some people are born with their feet firmly in their mouths and they were behind the door when the empathy gene was handed out. Your Mum sounds like she fits firmly in this category!

Oh brother!!!!

I know how you feel bingo butt, my mum has said some amazing things to me, the one that always stays in my mind was when i was planning to get married and she said to me " i hope your going to loose some weight before the wedding, or else you will look like a big fat snowball rolling down the aisle" I was speechless.
Terri.

it strange how some people can be so mean when it comes to comments. I have a 4yr daughter who looks like she is 8 with her height and yes she is on the heavy side a bit, however there is no way i could ever degrade her on her weight... funny thing is she is very active and eats a balance of good foods... if there was ever a need to talk to her bout her weight i would do it in an encouraging way... Society seems to put us down when we are "fat" and then when we get thin then comes the too thin comments... knives and guns can hurt and even kill people yet society forgets that words are the most painful of all... i sit at work(and even in my sisters presence) and very few people comment on the weight i have lost but how i took an easy way out... i have learnt that if they are shallow minded then im the one going to be laughing on the otherside when Im the skinny chick whilst they all need to contend with middle age spread... and if you are having trouble taking the compliment you can always use the line "it must be the new hairstyle/clothes im wearing lol

it strange how some people can be so mean when it comes to comments. I have a 4yr daughter who looks like she is 8 with her height and yes she is on the heavy side a bit, however there is no way i could ever degrade her on her weight... funny thing is she is very active and eats a balance of good foods... if there was ever a need to talk to her bout her weight i would do it in an encouraging way... Society seems to put us down when we are "fat" and then when we get thin then comes the too thin comments... knives and guns can hurt and even kill people yet society forgets that words are the most painful of all... i sit at work(and even in my sisters presence) and very few people comment on the weight i have lost but how i took an easy way out... i have learnt that if they are shallow minded then im the one going to be laughing on the otherside when Im the skinny chick whilst they all need to contend with middle age spread... and if you are having trouble taking the compliment you can always use the line "it must be the new hairstyle/clothes im wearing lol

Bingo Butt - your mother is very lucky you didn't end up with a serious eating disorder. She is totally out of line saying things like that!

While my daughters haven't ever been seriously overweight, even after they had children I just supported them - didn't judge. That is what mothers are supposed to do.

I would just explain to myself that she is the one with a problem. If you feel you have a good enough relationship with her to ask her to shut up about it, I would, but it sounds like she wouldn't listen anyway.

Just remember you are having this operation to lose weight for YOU - not for her!

Hugs
Caz

I made myself a goal and this year ive achieved everyone of them and one of the most important of them was to find my possitive frame of mind as with all our weight issues its easy to bacome negative at least it was that way for me and it was directed at myself as well as others so now ive turned it all around and even now when life can still be hard in more ways than one I always look positivly at myself and gratefully accept compliments from people and anything negative now says more about themselves than it does about me, my positive outlook on my new life is a huge driving force behind my self confidence and although im not bullet proof lol and will never have control of what goes on around me as life goes on i know I have control of me and how i let things affect me now its a wonderful and a very empowering feeling that I never would have achieved had I not come on this journey with my sleeve Ive I too have lived with people being so insulting towards me because of my weight for example while playing with my children at my in laws home my father in law came over to me while i was jumping around on his fancy roll on lawn and asked me to get off of it because ill leave dents in it and ruin it there are many more but my past is now in my past and i truley hope you all no longer at some point have to feel the hurt of other people selfish insecurities designed to make themselves feel better. x Jodi

Bingo Butt, that is just bloody awful of your mother.
I bet she feels responsible for your weight so has to deflect her guilt.
My mum is like that in a way.
2010 is going to our year!.

Hi Everyone

I think I wanna add my 2 cents worth in on this one hehehehe...

As I was growing up my mum had a huge problem with my weight. I remember living in sydney around the age of 14 being 5.1 and 55-58kg and she would call me fat...Have me on Ryvitas for lunch and dinner and all sorts of shit.

Looking back at it now what I'd give to be at that weight, hence now resulting in surgery. My nastiest comments believe it or not have always been from family...namely my mother..

About 9 years ago she invited us over for dinner and was going to meet my partners mum for the first time... They had the BBq going all the nice salads,dips and breads...We sit down to eat and she says direclty to my mothe rin llaw..."She realy needs to lose weight she is embarrasing i cant go anywhere with her cos people look at how fat she is"

My mother in law was in shock,being she on the plump side as well...she could not belive my own mother would say she didnt want to be seen with me due to my weight.

2010 is going to be a big year for me especially when it comes to the comments department, I might have to result in telling a few people in the family to lose some weight instead of them being so paranoid about mine....it's easy for skinny people to say lose weight. Lets see what happens when the shoes on the other foot...

((HUGS))
BingoButt

I know what you mean Kyles. Sometimes I go for a week or two without anyone saying anything, then suddenly for a few days EVERYONE seems to comment. I don't know how a few days can make a difference, but thought that maybe it is different clothes or something. Very funny!

This is a great topic Tamara :)

I am now also getting comments which is lovely but I dont know how to take them - my answer at the moment is Oh thankyou...lol I dont know what to say so thats been my standard line but then I always add at the end - I still have a long way to go tho...so I can still manage to put a dampener on it :(

I had a funny one thursday night...walked into my SIL's place and she went "OMG look at you!! Holy shyte you are really getting skinny" my response was huh..you saw me last friday and I havent changed that much...lol My nephew even agreed with her as I had seen both of them in the shops on the friday....I really didnt know how to react!! they both made a huge deal out of it and I thought god skiny at 108kgs???? I dont think so!!

I recently had to see a specialist about something totally unrelated to weight, but needed to disclose that I had WLS.

Wasn't really expecting him to say "What for? You are too small for it".

I think it's a little important to listen to people you can trust, even skinny/fit people think they are overweight at the best of times. There are few who are happy with their body image. Then again, there are people out there wanting others to be more overweight and such to boost their own image of themselves.

chook00 wrote:

Its funny what hits a nerve, I seem to be able to handle the negaitve ones better now, but the "you look great" ones always stump me.

The "don't lose any more" comments tend to confuse me though, as I personally see plenty of rolls of flab still...and am not 19 bmi so really it shouldn't be a problem if I did lose more, so why do people say it is..all too confusing! So realy what do they mean....is it just cause they are not used to seeing us smaller..??

Thanks for starting this thread Tamara.

Cheers Chook

Hi Chook:
10 years ago I stared working to lose weight and over 18 month I lost a huge amount of weight without surgery. Huge. I've gained about 1/2 of that back in the last 8 years which is why I'm going for the surgery. I know I can lose, I can't keep it off. So I got the "you look great" comments. I always heard "man you looked like crap before, thank you for no longer polluting my view". So I understand what you are saying. I really don't think people mean it that way, but it's how I heard their compliments. Interestingly enough, those closest to me never said a word. I actually took that as a statement that I'd chosen very well in friends. I felt it meant they liked me all along, fat or thin.

Shifty

I obviously have a long way to go before I catch up with you girls but I am starting to get comments about my weight loss. I get quite embarassed and tell them i've lost a couple of kilos (even though i've lost 20) so I really don't know how I will go once I have lost another 30 kilos. I suppose if other thin people ask I could always say something like 'Now i'm nearly your weight'. Isn't it funny how we can't take compliments. Is that because we usually didn't receive them?

I am the same as chook, I would love to lose more, but others see the massive loss and panic for me.

I was sitting in the pool with my sister the other day and showed her the handful of leg I want to lose and she said thats not fat thats excess skin, which it is I guess, but I still see myself as a bit heavy on my thighs and need to shift my mindset.

I find it a bit akward when someone I havent seen for ages gushes over me thats weird!

I handle the negative ones better too, when people say things to me like "you look great" I cant help myself and instantly reply with a negative comment about how many rolls I have left, or my excess skin - much like you.