Aussies can get through anything with a good laugh!

Good one, Nimue!

what's an aussie kiss??

The same as a French Kiss only down under......

And another from Sue - gave me a good giggle in the middle of the night!

Last week, a 60 plus year old woman checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Damon - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt ... you get the picture.

She figured, what the heck, she'd give him a call.

"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, she thought he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she said, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room number 420 at the Four Seasons Hotel and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

He said, "Oh my God ... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Thanks to Sue for this one:

A couple were at home watching TV.

He had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally exclaimed: "For Goodness sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"

This was on my desk at school today:

Have you ever looked around at your colleagues who are about your age, and thought, do I really look THAT old? Well, spare a thought for this woman!

'About two weeks ago, I had to go to the dentist for an emergency filling, and as my regular dentist was on holiday, I was forced to use his Locum. While in the chair, he introduced himself as Barry Simms. I immediately has a vision of a tall, dark, curly haired gorgeous boy I had nursed a secret crush for about a year at my old school, Morgan Heights Public back in 1961. I looked at him, he was bald, wrinkled and wore thick glasses. Could this possibly be the same gorgeous boy? I doubted it, but I had to ask:

"Are you the same Barry Simms that went to Morgan Heights Public school in 1961?"

The Dentist grinned, " Why yes! I am a Morganner!"

"So am I! I was there in 1961!" I gushed. I was just about to tell him of my secret crush, when that old, wrinkled disgusting, bad breathed, four eyed, balding old geezer asked, "Really? What class did you teach?"

Really gives you perspective, huh!

'why do people suddenly turn into ninjas when they walk into a spiders webs'


True???? lol

ROFLMFHO!

that is funny lol

ROFL!!

During a recent flood in a small outback Queensland town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float by in the water, they noticed an old hat go past.

Suddenly, the hat turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, again it turned and came back. They watched as it did this a number of times.

"Do you see that hat?" said the girl in amazement. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back, then it goes back downstream and then it comes back again."

"Oh, that's nothing, it's only my dad," replied the boy. "This morning my Mum said that come hell or high water, he had to mow the lawn today."