I am so upset with my husband

I have no basis for understanding or replying to your situation. I want to tell you you have a great support here on this site, and as you go through the operation and the changes it will bring you have the resources the site can give you. It has been invaluable to me over the past 18 months.


All the best,

Zoe

Iam sorry that you had to hear this nusty comments form your habby.

He obviosly does not know what he has in front of him. I am sure that you are a fab mum and a beutifull woman .

I think sometimes men forget how we looked, and forget that we are the same on the inside just circumstances has changed the outside. He should take you in his arms and tell you how breave you are.

How dare he... If my hubby would say something like that... and belive me, we too had are ups and downs but I swear he would be a 6 oclock news.

being a parrent and mother a wife and a partner and everything in between puts a lot of preasure on us.

Keep your head up your are just about to enter a new and beutiful time of your life looking and feeling great ...

you can then turn around and tell him f....u and I am sure you will feel much better for it.

I just got back with my hubby and it is not easy but I can see he is trying his best and is very supportive I will not take shit from a man no way and you should not ether you are strong , you are beutiful , you are a woman.....




Sylvia

Your hubby sounds like an asshole.

People who treat their spouse like this don't think they are being supportive, in a clumsy way. They know exactly what they are saying and doing. If you can't get unconditional support from your life partner, where can you get it?! What a jerk.

Armywife Here is the June sleevers address: http://www.gastricsleevesupport.com/t6025-june-2011#147636
Pop in and say Hi. I will put your name and date on our list too.
hugs xxx

,..

hey all!

kelly, thanks for your msg...my, we do sound like we are in the same boat! I often joke with my mum that my husband has the "easy" job...its easy to stay fit and in shape when you are paid to be so! sometimes the demands of being a mum to 3 under 3 can be positively overwhelming...i used to think night shift (when i was nursing) was hard but that is easy compared to this job!!!

anyway...would love to chat sometime...I think we have a lot in common and I am often in Brisbane visiting family...we could catch up for a coffee!

Tash, def put me in the thread for June sleevers...got my paperwork yesterday and seeing dietician on thursday....yipppeee....3 weeks today until the next chapter starts....can't wait to work my butt off and get gorgeous lol....so sick of being a slave to food

Good on you Army wife for taking the next step... :) Goodluck!!!

Hi Bonnie!

I moved to the Gold Coast from Campbelltown only 18 months ago, how I wish I had met you back then! My hubby works away as well, he works in Tanzania and is away for 9 weeks and then comes home for three weeks. And boy does your little blurb sound familiar. My once firm body has headed quite a bit south after three babies and mine are still babies, er, well they are toddlers and kinders now, but nothing ever headed north again tummy wise. My husband comes home and this time he watched everything I put in my mouth like a food Nazi, then analysed the sugar and fat content and theorised why I have gotten so large. Other times its witholding sex because he felt a new bulge. I forgive him because he can be a total dick sometimes and because in his testosterone fuelled mind he is making an attempt at being caring and helpful in my efforts to regain my figure, but I really just want to punch him in the nose most times. I figure he has very little idea of the day to day runnings of the house and my life and he is in a male dominated compound where the blokes are either big and buffed or big and beer bellied. Keep in mind that your hubby gets all his meals prepared for him, gets to have time to work out or chill out, gets enough sleep and isn't raising his family the way you are. I know the army would be bloody hard, but so is raising a family on your own, and you don't have someone mapping out your day rationally for you like he would, you have irrational little mini people wanting you 24/7! Don't be hard on yourself, it's hard being a mum on your own and not a job for the faint hearted. People who love you hurt the most, I figure what ever I do to make myself happier is either going to make him happier or make me oblivious to the men-speak.
Good Luck

Big Hugs to you Armywife

I wish you the best of luck with sorting out your difficulties with your marriage.
I reckon once you have lost the weight how he then treats you will be very telling indeed.
Take care of yourself and your lovely kiddies.
Can I put your name into our list on the June sleevers Thread by the way?

thank you everyone for all your thoughts and advice...I have taken them all on board...many things were very true! essentially my happiness does come back to me...soooo...booked in for sleeve in 3 weeks...take my antidepressants, go back to the psychologist, love my children and make ME the best that I can be, then I will sort out the rest! thanks again...its so lovely to be able to chat to a group of "friends"

So sorry you've had your feelings hurt by hubbys brutal and somewhat insensitive honesty..

but I guess that sensitivity and even kindness might be one of the first casualties for a man who is sent off to fight a war....and I would imagine that the army culture itself doesnt help either...let alone all the time you spend apart!!

If it helps I can tell you that I have had to deal with the 'Im not attracted to you anymore' conversation.

What helped us the most was a combination of the marriage counselling and the realisation that I was clinically depressed and was hyper-sensitive to any critique, even clumsy well meaning ones and that I needed to deal with that too.

So I trotted off to a psychologist, and then made the decision to have this surgery.

Havent looked back. My marrriage is better because I am better. My husband is happier, because I am happier.

You sound like you have lots of other issues with your relationship that need some sorting...I can recommend counselling...worked a treat for us.

Good luck

Deb

I agree with all of these comments that everyone has written. Are you happy with this man? I understand that you have children to him, and he is your husband, but he didn't have any right to say anything that would upset you!

I wouldn't be able to be with somebody who didn't love me for me!!!!

Hello Armywife,

I think you need to ask yourself, how would you feel if your children grow up to the kind of adults that either say or recieve coments like that?

Your children learn how to have a relationship from both you and your husband. They will grow up thinking the way you treat each other is the way a relationship should be.

For me I think about that all the time.

Hi Bonnie

I suppose the kids are still very little? Well when you're thin & gorgeous you'll probably find that your increased satisfaction with life, your new found energy levels etc will make you a much happier person. Happy people are magnets to even more happiness. I bet you'll find that your life without him becomes fuller, more interesting & that you make new & different friends.

While this is happening you're going to start feeling better & better about yourself. THEN you'll be asking yourself whether he's actually "good enough" for you! So he may just find that in 12mths time the boot will be on the other foot because you'll have grown so much in your own estimation that he'll be breaking his neck to make you happy.

AND you know what? If he doesn't fall over himself to please you then just get rid of him & reclaim your life.....it's not as if you & the kids will miss him!

he is an adult...no excuse for bad behaviour...sounds like to me Armywife this is an ongoing issue...maybe u should get some counselling this will benefit u in many ways for your sleeve and marriage
best of luck

.

I have had nothing but support from my OH over a decade or so...through a bad lapband, and now with the upcoming sleeve and many many diets, gym sessions, hypnotherapy etc and STILL i find this such a hard journey. I would be totally shattered if my hubby didnt find me desirable and spoke about my hanging tummy....and I am MUCH bigger than you.

You do NOT deserve to be treated like that...I hope he wakes up to himself real soon.... as when you are rocking your slinky new bod and turning heads...he will be sorry he didnt treat you with the respect you deserve.

Chin up and take care of yourself xx

Do this for you. It will be the best revenge you can muster!

Hi Army Wife,

I just have to say that those kinds of comments are just nasty from your husband. Don't put up with that crap. Sounds like you need to teach him what you will and you wont accept, and that call is yours. I have one rule in my household of men. That is we all treat each other with respect. That way no one outside the marriage will think they have a licence to treat you disrespectfully either....

Remember it's you that decides what you will and wont accept from everyone...

Take care

Andrea

Hi,

Wow ! and you stay married to this man ???

Think about your beautiful babies, and the relationship and bonding you will have with them, if you are the one spending all the time with them, I know it is hard work, but the rewards that follow are great, Trust me.

As for your husbands comments, how shallow is he, he should find you attracitve for the person you are, not the body you are in !

Wait until you loose your weight and he is all over you, remind him of his hurtful comments, and then ell him to take a shower!!

I am having my operation on 7th June, so will be abit ahead of you, so would love to stay in contact.

Keep your chin up

Honey...your best revenge will be to be gorgeous, and to shine!

It is a nasty thing he has said. He had no right. The most positive thing you can do now is to look after yourself.

Hey all

so today had such a lovely meeting with my surgeon and he will be doing my sleeve on the 21st june, yay! as i have previously posted, I was not going to share the full details of my surgery with anyone (except for hernia repair) however feeling generous of spirit my husband asked how the consult went and i said "good" blah blah i weigh 94 kgs and the post-op diet...he said, oh, is that why your stomach hangs over your pants"...i am soo upset...he wonders why i am obese when he deploys every 12 months, leaving me to give birth by myself...i have given up my career, moved away from family and friends, cop it when he says things (about why he won't have sex with me) "i dont find you attractive anymore" and him (when he is home) sits and watches me bath/feed/bed children...i am seething...now he feels as though he can tell me what to eat and drink...wish i had never said anything....sorry...vent over...for now!