Need help with a parent

Hi swayback,

That sounds like a very difficult situation and I'm not sure what to suggest. Maybe try and refocus him on healthier aspects such as exercise and resistance training rather than calorie control? Ultimately, your dad needs to develop some insight into the current situation, which is impossible for you to do for him. Maybe suggest he go and see a dietician for advice re correct diet for his stage of life to make him stronger and healthier. Easier said than done though, I know.

Regards,

Kylie

Hi all.

This is very personal family relationship stuff so turn away now if you don't like personal problems.

My father is my rock (yes, even at my age). I love him to bits and I know he loves me. We live next door to each other, he babysits my fur babies when I'm in hospital, I shop online and he picks it up from Coles for me etcetera.

My father has always been a control freak. Everything turns into a competition and a power struggle. And I mean...everything!

He has always been vain about his appearance and even at 86, looks and acts like a 70yo. Even when we were extremely poor he would cut our hair but he insisted on having his cut professionally. When we wore rags, he bought clothes from catalogues. When we wore shoes with holes in them he took art lessons. When we couldn't afford jumpers he took flying lessons. You get the idea?

Well, he has always had to be the leanest, the fittest, the most intelligent, the most learned etc.

Now that I've had weight loss surgery and am losing the weight slowly he has started losing weight too. Problem is he was only 71.9kgs to start with and now he's 67kgs.  He tells me he's just eating less to encourage my Mum to lose weight but I KNOW it's his old power struggle, competitive, can't stand anyone being leaner than him thinking. Even my Mum (who is usually oblivious to subtleties) has noticed that he is deliberately eating less. I mentioned to him that he's getting too thin and that it's not healthy to lose weight at his age but he denies that he's already thin. I'm reluctant to say anything more because by giving him that attention he will continue losing weight just for the "I can do what I want" factor.

He even comes to my house to weigh himself on my scales in front of me so he can make sure I know he's losing weight (he has his own scales at his house).....kind of rubbing it in.

I refuse to enter into a competition with him....this is a personal journey for me, not anything to do with anyone else, but I'm frightened my father has lost a bit of grasp on reality and is putting himself in danger just because of his very competitive personality.

I'm sorry with the TMI and displaying family politics in public but I'm worried about him and I've told him so but it's made no difference.